Uncharted territory, 34 weeks

Well, We have come to 34 weeks, about the time that I had Seth in September of 2011. From here on out, this is all new to me. The bigger baby, the heavier feeling. It is all very welcome but I am ready to have this baby. Im ready to meet my daugther. I went to my specialist today. He said that everything is looking good but my blood pressure is still borderline at home. I just have to keep taking it daily and all. I asked about the baby’s weight. I am a little concerned because well- the baby is almost 6 pounds!!!! HOLY MOLY. Ok, so shes exactly 5lbs 10 oz to be exact and is 18 in long. Seth was born at 34 weeks and weighed 5 lbs exactly and was 19.5 in long. So The doctor said that she will probably be on the big side of the average scale (shes running in the 80th percentile) but in a way it is good news. HOW?? (a freaked out mother like me would ask lol), he said that usually hypertension causes a baby to be small so at least we know that my blood pressure is not effecting the baby because she is a little large. To that I replied- so what kind of weight are we looking at here?  The doc said that he does not want me to go past 39 weeks (Im measuring a week ahead anyways) so if they schedule me to have the baby between 38 and 39 weeks he’s guesstimating a baby around 8.5 pounds…. (!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO DO THAT???) lol… I guess it sounds scary but it is only scary because this is really happening, Im so close and Im really going to have a baby .  Ill be 38 weks on Dec. 28th and it is my goal to have this baby no later than the 30th lol… Ill be doing all kinds of jumping jacks and squatting and walking. I cant wait- Im 4 weeks away from having this baby (most likely). It would be cute to have a Christmas baby but honestly- I want to enjoy my Christmas food- ugh I cant wait, it just sounds so good thinking about it (the food). Man all of this baby day dreaming is getting me all crazy .

Wow I have so much to do! washing, fixing the baby’s room up, baby shower…. Speaking of, I am having my baby shower on Saturday. I was not excited until today. (this may get confusing) I work at a hospital, all of our local hospitals (4 of them) are owned by the same company, I work at a central/south location. Well today I went to the main campus downtown (where my mother in law works) because one of the cardiologists was having a baby shower and I made her a little owl security blanket and got her a few gifts. (I freakin love this doctor she is sooooo cute!) Anyways it was so much fun to see her smile and have a good time! I am glad that I went because it kind of put me in the mood for my own; I have not at all been wanting to have a shower. Thankfully my mother in law is helping out with the cake and punch and some early arrivers will help me set up the decoration stuff. Im just so excited that its so stinking close now lol. I feel like I have sooo much to do and so little time to do it! Really my husband is the one who has all the work to do. .

In home news, we are all moved it, it is not exactly as organized as I want but Oh well, I cant do much at this point with limited bending and such. Aida (our husky), has adjusted well. She sleeps alot but Im soooo glad to see her feeling a little better. I think she was sad about leaving the other dog that she hung out with at my in laws but that was a great growing experience for her. She has had no accidents in the week that she has been here. The only thing is that she was not eating at all… unless is was human food and I didnt want to give her any till she started to eat her dog food. Well FINALLY today I took her for a walk and when we came back she went to her food bowl and ate her food (VICTORY IS MINE!). So proud of my baby girl . She even has been loving on me and sleeping next to my side of the bed the last two nights because Ive been sick (she never sleeps on my side, she loves her dad so much). I had a fever last night and yesterday I was just sick all day long and she just slept right next to me and never left my side, shes still sleeping next to me as I type this.. I love that girl

Ok, Ill stop all my crazy talk, I really need a nap so I can rid this awful sinus thing I got going on.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most wonderful woman in the world, my MOMMA! Im so happy to have you around and I hope it was a good day. I owe you a cake when Im feeling better and I have no chance of contaminating it and getting you sick

Baby talk and crochet stock

I just cant wait. I am always so anxious about how the baby is doing. Its hard in these early months, you just have no clue what is going on besides your stomach growing like an elephant. Looking back at my old pictures of my pregnancy with Seth, I am now the size that I was when I was 22 weeks with him … but right now Im only 15… Its almost embarrassing but- I havnt gained more than 2 pounds, my stomach is just pushing outwards, the gas has finally gone away lol, now I just deal with peeing on myself….. very sad… but I totally feel the baby bouncing right on top of my now flattened bladder and even when I dont have to use the potty- I do.  I am just beyond excited to have a baby here and I am so impatient.

I am finally trying to get all my crochet stuff going. My goal is to raise enough money for my 3D ultrasound for the family to see and then if I make more than that I want to give it to my husband to build a buggy that he really wants. He has done a lot for me and has given up a lot of his man projects since we have gotten married so that he can provide and give me what I want so I really hope to make enough to be worth it for him.  Im just excited that I get to crochet .

Tonight I have the ER- wish me luck, I hope its an easy night with good Doctors because I have a sinus infection and I feel like my head is going to explode, its hard to just breathe.

1st trimester coming to a close.

So… Im 13 weeks, still feeling the same- emotional, hungry, and sick, but its ok, its becoming normal. I had an ultrasound at the specialists office on Tuesday, it took all day (4 hours) waiting in the waiting room (UGH). The baby was STUBBORN, he/she would not turn the way the tech needed him/her to turn. We needed to see certain things like fluid on the back of the head and other measurements but the baby did not think that was important. There was jumping and turning and all kinds of silliness. The tech said, if you want to know what it is… it looks flat down there lol…. *sigh … she still said- Its so early, dont count on anything till the next appt (Aug. 7th)…. That will be the full fetal scan.

The genetic counselor said that I will see them regularly like my OB, once every 4 weeks  until my last trimester. I will see them anywhere from 1-2 weeks and will have a different test done at every visit. For example: non-stress test, bio-fetal exam, fetal echocardiogram…. its so overwhelming. I have been getting WAY more anxiety now that Im rushing into my second trimester, and with every ultrasound, there is a TON of growth. The bigger the baby, the scarier it is.

A lot seems to be going on, baby, school, need for some space at home, Steven and I working 2 different shifts. I had such a great time on the 3rd and 4th. Steven and I had off and we just spent the days together (minus my all day doctor appt). On the 4th we went fishing from 12-9pm and it was SO MUCH FUN.  By the way- I caught the most. (4 catfish, 8 trout, 4 snapper). Steven was shark fishing and they got a few bites but never got it in.

anyways, I now have to work like 75 hours between now and next weekend with only Tuesday off. It never used to be a problem but its difficult lately because I feel sooo unmotivated. I want to clean my house so bad and organize things and I have no motivation because 1.theres not space to put anything where we are … and 2. I have a human being sucking up all of my energy. … Here’s a picture of that human

12 weeks 3 days. July 3,2012. Heart Rate: 156

12 weeks 3 days. July 3,2012. Heart Rate: 156

12 weeks 3 days. July 3,2012. Heart Rate: 156

12 weeks 3 days. July 3,2012. Heart Rate: 156

I have another appointment with my regular OB on the 12th, next Thursday.

Ear update

Ok, I think I am just getting used to the pain. The throbbing, the feeling of my head exploding, it is becoming normal. I have been temporarily deaf though for a few days. I cannot hear anything unless you are YELLING in my ear. Its hard to work like that.

I work in the hospital, and in the ER every other day so I stopped a doctor in the ER and asked if he would look at my ears. He said well, both ears are badly infected and those are the worst ears I have ever seen, they look like s—….. Then he proceeded to say, Im a little worried that you have a malignant condition, let me look up some medication that you are aloud to have. He found some ear drops that were different from the ones Im taking and told me “please go see an ear doctor after this is cleared up or if its not starting to feel better in 5 days”…

That makes me worry. I have always had bad ear problems but I never thought it was tumorous or cancerous. Ive had so many weird problems with this pregnancy its making me very scared. Im trying to keep my thoughts positive. I have my hypnobirthing material at my moms house, I just have to go get it now, maybe that will soothe me.

So anyways, Im praying that this new medicine that the ER doctor suggested started kicking in, clears things up and all will be well at the ear doctor, because I will go after this infection clears a little.

Ive been thinking a lot about my rainbow baby. I am desperate to feel kicks and start experiencing the baby. I am 12 weeks and my throwing up has subsided. I dont know if that is because Ive been in so much pain I havnt even considered throwing up or if the morning sickness is actually gone. Last time it did not leave till about 25 weeks or so.

Im a little worried. I know Tylenol is safe for pregnancy but Im still worried. I took it around the clock for two days and now I am forcing myself only to take it at night when I go to bed.

Steven has been, of course tired of me.

Sometimes I feel so guilty. I feel like I dont care about anyone but myself. Maybe I wont be a good mom or wife. Did God take Seth away because of my attitude?

I just hope the baby is ok, I dont feel pregnant anymore. Ive lost so much weight this week that my bump is completely gone now and not being sick dosnt make me feel any better about the baby.

I have a specialist appointment on the third and then my ob appointment the next week on the 12th of July. As far as I know, they will both do ultrasounds. I cant wait till this next one cause Ive just been worried with how Im feeling. I did call my OB yesterday and they sounded very sympathetic for my pain but very unconcerned. She said to just drink soups and take the ear drops that the ER doctor told me to take.

Im hungry… gonna start getting ready for work, wish me luck, I feel stupid when I cant hear my patients or other nurses that are in the room.

Stay safe rainbow.

Chaos ensues …why?

Seriously God, Why me? Im so angry. I had a doctors appointment today and because of the stupid storm the office has no power. I was so looking forward to this appointment because I am MISERABLE. My other ear is now beginning to ache and if I put ear drops in that ear I will lose all hearing which means I cant work for the rest of the week (bye bye baby’s PTO time). My ear that has the bad infection is not even 1% better. I stayed up all night crying, there is so much pressure in my neck, throat, ear, cheek, and forhead, I feel like my face is going to explode.

My husband is sick of me being sick and he’s not being so nice anymore. I honestly want to go to the hospital and stay there to make sure baby is ok. Ive lost 4 pounds in 3 days because my jaw is locked up and I cant eat. But people in the ER will look at me like im crazy cause im there with an ear infection, unfortunately I know how it is cause I work there.

Why is this week turning into a giant pit hole? I am so desperate to feel better. I would stand on my head if it made me better.

Ear infection again?

Im writing this to keep myself from killing myself lol… Ok that was a joke, dont start freaking out.

I totally have a non-pregnancy related ear infection. It has given me a fever and I feel like CRAP. My ear is throbbing, It hurts to talk or move my head in ANY way. Im not lying, this is worse pain than labor, IT IS! I cant open my mouth, I cant chew food, and I am in the worst pain I have ever been in. I feel so much pressure on the whole left side of my face, I feel like a baby is going to come out of my ear! I dont have any tylenol but either way my doctor told me not to take it cause my liver isnt exactly functioning all that great. I just want some pain relief.

Steven has been SOO good to me today. He took me to the doctor, thank God convenient care is open on Sunday! Then he took me to get my prescription filled, tried to take me to eat, tucked me in when we got home, and applied a hot pack to my face every hour with my ear drops for a few hours. Im trying to stay up because I really want to sleep tonight, I didnt at all last night and I just need a break from some of the pain.

Oh dear Lord, get this infection out of my ear, I cant do anything but lay here and cry.

 

Sigh of relief

Today was my first ultrasound, from what I remember my LMP was 4-6-12. So I thought I was 7 weeks and 6 days. Well, I was pretty dern close! The baby measured 7 weeks and 5 days. YAY. The doctor started the ultrasound (the early ones are always akward, especially when you have a man doctor), and for a second I took some deep breaths because I was so scared. He said well…. theres the flicker? You see the flicker? This is a good pregnancy, its going to work! … Oh my word, relief is all I can say. A big burden lifted. I felt like an idiot because I needed to relax my legs after he said that cause I was all tensed up and started having back spasms so my legs started to shake like jello and he asked if I was ok lol…. *awkward*.

The heart beat was 167, the baby still looked like an alien of course cause its so early but Im so happy to hear that this is good, everything is fine, the baby is growing perfectly. Thank Jesus.

We were surprised there wasnt two, I just felt like we could have had twins, but Im happy with one healthy baby!

Baby rainbow is due on 1-12-13 and I cant wait till he makes his debut!!!

Time is going by fast thank God.

I get another ultrasound in two and a half weeks. The doctor said he’ll have another extensive ultrasound at the high risk doctor done for me when I hit around 17 weeks and then I can know the gender. He said in the third trimester I will have to wear a monitor so they can monitor the baby’s movement and heart rate which is fine by me! that actually makes me feel so much better. He also said in the third trimester I will have a visit every other week between him and the high risk doctors at Maternal Fetal Medicine so I can be monitored. Woot.

The doctor is so nice, Im glad.

Oh, and Steven made it! That was nice. Except, … they are out of work, the contractors took the contract away that they were working on so…

yeah… a lot ahead of us, one day at a time.

Stay safe rainbow.

Gotta make it quick

So I need to just update quick because I still have a lot of studying to do and I have to leave for work in an hour….

I have a B average in physics, I hope it stays that way. I cried yesterday because I didnt get chapter three and then we went on to chapter 4. I am actually getting the hang of chapter 4 very well so all I need to do is STUDY STUDY STUDY ALL night long and maybe I can do well on my test tomorrow. I am praying, I DONT want to take this dumb class again with this STUPID teacher…

In baby news!!!! —->

I went to talk to my new OB yesterday. He is WONDERFUL!!! He listens, I dont feel rushed, He is kind and compassionate. He told me “losing a baby is a terrible experience and we will do everything we can to make this the best pregnancy possible”.- Now THAT is what I wanted to hear! lol. He said he sees no reason to put me on asprin or blood pressure meds because Im stable right now and he said I will have a TON more visits than a normal pregnancy and they will do a lot of testing on me including extra ultrasounds, blood tests, and a non-stress test in the third trimester. Hes very nice and reassuring that he will take care of me and he comes across as being interested in my pregnancy, not just my doctor getting me out of the office so he can go eat lunch.

Hes SOOO short lol, Hes like 4 foot tall and Im 5’8 so its funny standing next to him.

The office offers 4d ultrasounds with pictures and dvd’s and teddy bears with the baby’s heart beat in them… Its neat, they have a lot of options. These are things that I never did with Seth and It kind of stinks because I could have had a little piece to hold on to… It is VERY expensive though.

Im having my first ultrasound on May 22nd. Im praying with ALL of my might that there will be a good heartbeat. If I kept track of everything right, I SHOULD be 6 weeks and 4 days. SO- pray pray pray.

This is nerve wracking! I cant wait till this class is over cause Im gonna crochet my brains out to relax! wish me luck on staying up all night and studying, I NEED to pass this quiz.

<3

Stay safe little rainbow.

Dreams come true

This amazes me as much as it does you. IM PREGNANT! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. Ok so I’m very excited and so so happy, there is nothing more that I have wanted and it could not have happened at a better time. I am very leery of letting people know but I splurged it on facebook today because Steven was mad that I wasnt telling people. I guess that is good to hear from him but I dont think he knows the terrifying feeling that I have. I am TERRIFIED that something may go wrong. I am only 4 weeks and 2 days but as my husband told me, what matters if you lost the baby at 6 weeks or 36 weeks, people will find out.We live in a close knit town and go to a close knit church and have lets just say, blabber mouth friends tehehe.  And this is true, so while this is real and while this is happening I want to celebrate! with all of my insane mood swings and tears, with every ounce of indigestion, with every gas bubble, belly ache, and yes- with every vomit filled morning – I welcome you my rainbow* angel baby! You are the center of my world right now (well, Im still thinking of physics too for about 3 more weeks lol).

What I am scared of – I have MTHFR. This could mean my blood could clot and deprive angel baby of needed bloodflow. So I PRAY with all of my might that every day God will breathe into this baby and give it the life that it needs to meet me in 36 weeks.

I am going to call the doctor tomorrow to ask a few questions. Someone at work who also has MTHFR saw this doctor and said he is the best around and after looking him up online there was not 1 bad review out of every review written (that is a miracle for doctors around here lol).

I need to ask

1. Will I see Dr.F every time when I come in since this is a large practice?

2. Do I come in earlier than recommended because Ive had a previous stillbirth?

3. Do I need to be taking asprin while waiting for my first visit so my blood is not clotted to the baby?

4.What are your hours?

I need to ask the Dr.

1. Am I high risk?

2. Will I be on blood thinners?

3. Will there be any extra monitering?

4. My blood pressure was high, I stopped taking my medicines and its back to normal, should I still be taking the meds or should I just be keeping a record?

5. Why have I been itching on and off for a year? Is it more than stress, I have a suspicion of what it could be since it falls in line with MTHFR mutations but I dont want to freak myself out, how have my past blood works turned out or is there new blood work to make sure that I am ok?

Yes… Im doing this because back to the note-taking it is. Pregnancy brain (fuzziness) has already set in and I have sticky notes with things to do laying all over the house.

OH AND- I bought one of these babies!- 

The Sonoline B fetal doppler! I heard its great and I think it will make me feel more at ease, these are must have things for women who have experienced miscarriage and/or stillbirth. I read awesome reviews and it looks like ussually around 9 weeks is when you can hear with this doppler and it shows you the heart rate on the screen = <3.

Ok… I cant think straight lol, Im going to finish studying for my test tomorrow and soak it in and I am more than anxious about talking to the doctors office tomorrow.

Stay safe rainbow baby

*for those of you who do not know: women who have lost a baby and then have another often refer to the following living baby as a rainbow baby.

Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as “Rainbow Babies.” The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. “Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.*