This amazes me as much as it does you. IM PREGNANT! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. Ok so I’m very excited and so so happy, there is nothing more that I have wanted and it could not have happened at a better time. I am very leery of letting people know but I splurged it on facebook today because Steven was mad that I wasnt telling people. I guess that is good to hear from him but I dont think he knows the terrifying feeling that I have. I am TERRIFIED that something may go wrong. I am only 4 weeks and 2 days but as my husband told me, what matters if you lost the baby at 6 weeks or 36 weeks, people will find out.We live in a close knit town and go to a close knit church and have lets just say, blabber mouth friends tehehe. And this is true, so while this is real and while this is happening I want to celebrate! with all of my insane mood swings and tears, with every ounce of indigestion, with every gas bubble, belly ache, and yes- with every vomit filled morning – I welcome you my rainbow* angel baby! You are the center of my world right now (well, Im still thinking of physics too for about 3 more weeks lol).
What I am scared of – I have MTHFR. This could mean my blood could clot and deprive angel baby of needed bloodflow. So I PRAY with all of my might that every day God will breathe into this baby and give it the life that it needs to meet me in 36 weeks.
I am going to call the doctor tomorrow to ask a few questions. Someone at work who also has MTHFR saw this doctor and said he is the best around and after looking him up online there was not 1 bad review out of every review written (that is a miracle for doctors around here lol).
I need to ask
1. Will I see Dr.F every time when I come in since this is a large practice?
2. Do I come in earlier than recommended because Ive had a previous stillbirth?
3. Do I need to be taking asprin while waiting for my first visit so my blood is not clotted to the baby?
4.What are your hours?
I need to ask the Dr.
1. Am I high risk?
2. Will I be on blood thinners?
3. Will there be any extra monitering?
4. My blood pressure was high, I stopped taking my medicines and its back to normal, should I still be taking the meds or should I just be keeping a record?
5. Why have I been itching on and off for a year? Is it more than stress, I have a suspicion of what it could be since it falls in line with MTHFR mutations but I dont want to freak myself out, how have my past blood works turned out or is there new blood work to make sure that I am ok?
Yes… Im doing this because back to the note-taking it is. Pregnancy brain (fuzziness) has already set in and I have sticky notes with things to do laying all over the house.
OH AND- I bought one of these babies!-
The Sonoline B fetal doppler! I heard its great and I think it will make me feel more at ease, these are must have things for women who have experienced miscarriage and/or stillbirth. I read awesome reviews and it looks like ussually around 9 weeks is when you can hear with this doppler and it shows you the heart rate on the screen = <3.
Ok… I cant think straight lol, Im going to finish studying for my test tomorrow and soak it in and I am more than anxious about talking to the doctors office tomorrow.
Stay safe rainbow baby
*for those of you who do not know: women who have lost a baby and then have another often refer to the following living baby as a rainbow baby.
Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as “Rainbow Babies.” The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. “Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.*
Posted in anxiety, death, Family, Friends, Health, Infant loss, MTHFR, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, School, Seth, my baby, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged anxiety, anxious, babies, baby, blood, child, Children, clotting, Death, doctor, family, fetal doppler, happy, health, Home, Im pregnant, Infant Loss, Loss, MTHFR, OBGYN, Pregnancy, questions, rainbow baby, scared, Sonoline B, Stillbirth, stillborn
Last night I went out for some much needed girl time, ugh I had so much fun. Nicki did my hair and Ashley did my make up and even though I was wearing scrubs (I went after work), I looked like I was ready for a prom night or something lol. we just did girly things, and ate taco bell (hehe) and it was fun. Thanks girls for all of the love and gifts you gave me <3.
Thats right I was modeling in my scrubs at 2 A.M with my make up and hair all ‘did’ up .
P.s.- pray I get through work, I feel like a hangover without the hangover just because of lack of sleep lol
Posted in Friends
Tagged Accessories, Beauty, friends, fun, girls night, girly, hair, Hair Care, happy, makeup, modeling, Prom, Uniforms, Work
I have been addicted to crocheting lately. Its crazy, its all I think about and I cant sleep- that is pretty sad lol. I am super addicted to bulky/ chunky yarn too! its amazing, you can knock out a project (that would take you a month in regular yarn) in about 30 minutes! its amazing!!! Its just a little more expensive though. So Im probably going to make chunky yarn blankets for the hospital stillbirth boxes because Ive been taking too long and I need to get those out soon.
Heres my latest projects I did today and last night.
^ this turtle is a photo prop, its supposed to be used for this
> and yes that is where I bought the pattern from, I just made it a little different cause I didn’t want it to look exactly the same.
On another note…
I went to school yesterday for my last prep class before physics starts, the students were really encouraging and I cant wait to start the sonography program. It is going to be a lot of work but this is what I want. A girl told a story about her last clinical. She got called to the OB floor (at the hospital that I work at) and a lady who was 39 weeks pregnant lost her baby and she had to do the scan to confirm it. She said it was the hardest thing she has seen. I almost teared up as she talked about it. That is why I want to do this. I want to comfort those women, empower them with love and hope and a future. I need to be apart of this, that is why I changed my major, this IS my calling. I need to do this.
I need extra strength though and I pray every day that God will help me get through these classes and clinicals with a clear and open mind, mental strength, and guidance for a kind heart.
Im going to love my job
Posted in crochet, death, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, Jesus, my love, School, Seth, my baby, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged babies, baby, blanket, blankets, Blankets and Bedding, calling, Children, clinical, clinicals, crochet, crocheting, Etsy, fun, God, happy, hat, hats, hobbies, hobby, hospital, Infant, infant death, Infant Loss, job, need, photo props, photography, photos, school, Shopping, sonography, stilbirth, stillborn, time, turtle, ultrasound, Work, Yarn
Tired and in a bad mood. Things not going the way I planned. Steven wants nothing to do with the things of my future and I dont want anything to do with his. His future consists of restoring his truck for the rest of his life- I would rather rip my eye balls out of the socket then watch our bank account be sucked up, hear about, or even see the restoration. I dont care. I want a house and babies, UGH… its ridiculousness. NOTHING will EVER be normal. I dont see normal or happy anytime soon because all he talks about is that STUPID truck. One day when Im sitting on my deathbed, that truck is gonna mean nothing to him (or I hope). Its gonna be old and rusty and burnt up and worth nothing. SO GET OVER IT!
Posted in anxiety, Family, Steven, my love, Work
Tagged angry, future, happy, husband, marriage, restoration, sad, truck, Vehicle