Today is my day off and Im happy about that of course. I am still beyond exhausted, eyes burning, and body limp but its ok.
I am spending today crocheting ( I have a couple of paid projets that I NEED to get done). I also need to make dinner (something I havnt done in like 6 months… sad).
Before I started I want to write about the pregnany of course. (I feel the need to write all of this down so I remember next time and dont feel crazy for feeling something.)
I have this excruciating pain on my right side that stretches around from my back to the top of my stomach. Sitting hurts, laying down hurts…. I guess its just a part of pregnancy and I’m not all that concerned about it but it reminds me exactly of what back labor felt like when I started to back labor with Seth (except this is not running down my leg). I have been having a lot of cramping in the last 3 days, and a lot of back pain. It does slightly scare me because my doctor said it could be a possibility that I go into early labor since it was only a year ago that I went into labor early with Seth and my uterus will do what it was used to experiencing. So now when I get cramps and back pain, my mind slightly panics because it brings back the exact feelings of labor last time.
Being pregnant for some women is easy (not easy with symptoms). Easy as in they have nothing to worry about their whole pregnancy so when they have things happen to them they just can assume that its normal pregnancy. I on the other hand think of all the things that could be going wrong, trying to keep in mind all of the signs that doctors have thrown at me.
I want to enjoy my pregnancy without having to keep track of ‘signs’. Keeping track of every little feeling makes for a much more stressful time. Dont take it for granted- the ease of getting pregnant, the ease of carrying a baby. The ease of having a healthy baby whenever you can.
Have a good day, going to get my crochet on.
Stay safe rainbow <3
P.s.- this is a picture of a 20week baby in the womb (I’ll be 20 weeks in 2 days)…. I cant believe my little girl is so big !?
Posted in crochet, Family, Health, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby
Tagged babies, baby, Back pain, child, Childbirth, Children, Cramp, crochet, family, health, hobbies, Home, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, Reproductive Health
The past few days the babys kicks are getting a lot harder and becoming more frequent. Its WONDERFUL! I love the feeling (Im 19 weeks 2 days today) .
The only thing is I have been getting awful braxton hicks. They make my tummy harden and it hurts for a good few minutes about 5-10 times a day. I did not really get an braxtons last time.
I am just so happy that Im starting to feel my sweet baby now, its the best feeling ever,
I feel really guilty about today but I just have been feeling weird. I spent a lot of money. I really want to save money right now but 1. I am baby nesting, 2. I want to craft. The problem: we have no space.
I bought quilting supplies because someone is teaching me to quilt and Im make a quilt for the baby… that was expensive. I bought 6 baby hats, 2 soft/bumpy changing table covers, 4 hand mittens, and 5 childrens CD’s, all for $20 (that wasnt a bad buy). And I had to buy 2 work scrub shirts because of course the hospital is going into a stupid color change where every department wheres a specific color- it SUCKS (2 scrub tops were $43- THATS REDICULOUS- I dont even spend that much on regular clothes!)
I reallly really really really (did I say really) – wish that we had AT LEAST a 2 bedroom place. Right now we have the crib set up where our dining room table used to be (which we had to get rid of to move the crib in) , and we have the changing table in the living room. We have to get rid of the coffee table so we have enough room but Im so upset that I have NO tables- where am I supposed to sew???? :’(. I just wish I had a place to do me things and have a space for the baby. I feel depressed like Im in a rut. We can never get a place as long as Im making as little as Im making and as long as Steven is not making a definite paycheck every week. Working contracts is a NIGHTMARE because we dont know how our future is going to unfold.
Maybe thats why I went shopping honestly, because I just feel stuck sometimes and guilty. I want to have a wonderful home for our child and enough space to feel comfortable and call our own but unfortunately, Steven doesn’t have a normal job. I really want to support him but come January when the baby comes- were gonna have to make some decisions about how we are living.
Cant wait to see this baby and just forget about everything else. I cant wait to finish this quilt. I really do enjoy quilting, I just need somewhere to do it not besides my friends’ houses . I cant wait to see what it looks like finished .
anyways, now that Ive done nothing today I should get going <3
Posted in anxiety, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, child, Children, Craft, crafting, Crafts, family, health, hobbies, Pregnancy, quilt, quilting, rainbow baby, Shopping, Work
I wrote a post earlier, which I deleted. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I was very anxious when I wrote it. I am still feeling very anxious but I want to speak out some good truths because its what I mentally need. I am having a rough night because Im feeling funny and Steven is gone, I miss him so dearly when he is working so far away.
Good things that happened today- I got to see some friends. Even though we all live 30-60 minutes away from each other, we all come together every once in a while and its such a great time!
I made cupcakes for the first time ever! Heck it was the first time I have ever baked (and it was all from scratch) and they were amazing!!! they were smores cupcakes and DELICIOUS!
I sold a baby hat that I made, it was at a whim using some new yarn, techniques, and my own pattern from inspiration of a very expensive hat on etsy.
I have time to relax to myself tonight, I may crochet, Ive been making swiffer covers, these bobble stitches are soooo awesome and fun to feel, it would be cool to make a soft baby blanket with this stitch.
I have some anxiety starting this new week but Im ready to get through it because next Monday I have an ultrasound and I find out what the baby is!
Im gonna watch some tv for a bit… night
Posted in anxiety, Friends, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Uncategorized
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, baking, Children, cooking, Cupcake, cupcakes, Etsy, friends, hobbies, hobby, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, S'more
Its Friday (and 14 weeks) thank God!!! Now I just have to get to work and finish out at 10pm lol. Tonight I have the ER :/… I am happy about staying busy, not happy about being on my feet all night. I was on my feet a lot last night and when I came home my legs were swollen and throbbing (but my blood pressure is fine, its even just a tad tad low) and when I woke up at 5 AM to use the potty they were still throbbing. Oh… and of course the headaches are in full swing now. I thought I was getting away with no headaches with this pregnancy. I remember telling someone during my last pregnancy- These headaches last all day and nothing helps them, its just a 24/7 thing.
Anywho… next month we get to find out what the little one is (as in gender lol, not alien vs. human). Exciting…
This weekend I think Steven is going out with a friend, he invited me and I want to go but I think Ill let him have some man time. Maybe Ill stay home and finish sewing the dress that I started so I can wear it on Sunday and then maybe make an apron (that Ill never cook with lol) because I have nothing else to do… of course I will do all of that after I clean hehe.
okay, Im just delaying getting ready because I am lazy so I must go.
Stay safe rainbow.
Posted in Family, Friends, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, sewing, Work
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, date night, dates, family, friends, Headache, hobbies, pain, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, Sewing, Work
… Those days when your heart feels like mush…. today. I have a good friend who had a baby today. and a cousin who had a baby a couple of days ago.. of course its everywhere. Im happy for them, but Im not happy for me. Its especially hard when the friend who had a baby (who is at the same hospital that you work at) isnt that close with you anymore but of course wants to share pictures and whatever- that can just bring on more anger. I just feel slightly defeated. I have to get over it. Im not angry/mad/throwing a fit… just, … sad.
Ive been crocheting my brains out to make myself feel better, heres what I got… all baby/ photo prop items. (my next project is a purse).
yeah so… thats about it.
I start physics in exactly one week and Im a nervous wreck
my thoughts are…..
*How am I going to handle 9-1 school/2-10 work, and fit homework in? How am I going to get through a whole physics text book in 1 month and actually understand it? How am I going to have time for myself or my husband or cleaning or cooking…? How am I going to sleep?
I know I just have to do it, just really scary, its the hardest class and the dean has already spoken to us and told us, 1/4 of each physics class fails every month. :/ AGHHH . I dont want to fail cause this class cost me about $2000. :O
Until them, Im going to keep crocheting. and trying to mentally prepare myself.
Posted in anxiety, crochet, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, School, Work
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, bag, Children, crochet, crocheting, Education, friend, friends, health, hobbies, homework, hospital, pattern, patterns, photo props, photography, photography props, physics, purse, school, Work
I have been addicted to crocheting lately. Its crazy, its all I think about and I cant sleep- that is pretty sad lol. I am super addicted to bulky/ chunky yarn too! its amazing, you can knock out a project (that would take you a month in regular yarn) in about 30 minutes! its amazing!!! Its just a little more expensive though. So Im probably going to make chunky yarn blankets for the hospital stillbirth boxes because Ive been taking too long and I need to get those out soon.
Heres my latest projects I did today and last night.
^ this turtle is a photo prop, its supposed to be used for this
> and yes that is where I bought the pattern from, I just made it a little different cause I didn’t want it to look exactly the same.
On another note…
I went to school yesterday for my last prep class before physics starts, the students were really encouraging and I cant wait to start the sonography program. It is going to be a lot of work but this is what I want. A girl told a story about her last clinical. She got called to the OB floor (at the hospital that I work at) and a lady who was 39 weeks pregnant lost her baby and she had to do the scan to confirm it. She said it was the hardest thing she has seen. I almost teared up as she talked about it. That is why I want to do this. I want to comfort those women, empower them with love and hope and a future. I need to be apart of this, that is why I changed my major, this IS my calling. I need to do this.
I need extra strength though and I pray every day that God will help me get through these classes and clinicals with a clear and open mind, mental strength, and guidance for a kind heart.
Im going to love my job
Posted in crochet, death, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, Jesus, my love, School, Seth, my baby, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged babies, baby, blanket, blankets, Blankets and Bedding, calling, Children, clinical, clinicals, crochet, crocheting, Etsy, fun, God, happy, hat, hats, hobbies, hobby, hospital, Infant, infant death, Infant Loss, job, need, photo props, photography, photos, school, Shopping, sonography, stilbirth, stillborn, time, turtle, ultrasound, Work, Yarn
Since Ive gotten rid of facebook I just havnt gotten on the computer much anymore, I guess that is a good thing.
This weekend we went to the Awanas Grand Prix , all the kids at church got to race their little cars they made. Steven , I, and my father in law judged the looks of the cars and My father in law and I cooked the burgers and hot dogs on the grill. It was cute.
Today (Sunday) we went to Islands of Adventure. It was fun.
Tonight we watched Undercover Boss (budget blinds). I cried like a baby because the boss got to know this guy who was adorable. He was just a big teddy bear. The man working for the company lost his son (who had 5 grand kids). He cried like a big baby when the boss gave him $40,000 to remodel his house to better accommodate his family for gatherings in remembrance of his son. I cried like a baby too. It was very touching.
Ive made some cool new crocheted things this week… I think I want to focus on baby props for my etsy store that I hope to open in the future.
Here are the things I made.
^ I made this for a cousins daughter that is due to arrive this month.
^ I made this and am giving it to my sister for her youth camp auction so she can make some money to go, its her last year. Im in the process of making matching booties to go with it .
so yeah, thats about it.
Its been a good week. Work has been a little stressful but other than that, its been good. School starts on the 30th (physics) ugh lol.
Posted in crochet, Family, Health, Hobbies, School, Steven, my love, Vacation, Work
Tagged awanas, Children, crochet, crocheting, hobbies, hobby, islands of adventure, Parent-in-law, recreation, school, theme parks, tv, Undercover Boss, vacation, Work
Posted in Health, Hobbies, Kayaking, Paddling, Vacation
Tagged boating, florida, health, hobbies, kayaking, paddling, springs
So… today we did KempoX (kickboxing)…. wow that was some extreme cardio, my head is still throbbing from when we finished an hour ago, I thought I literally was gonna have a stroke I could feel my heart pounding lol, WOW Im out of shape. So… I havnt weighed myself yet, dont really feel the need, its only been 6 days, but I SLOWLY do not feel as sore as when I started and I SLOWLY feel less bloated. Im really hoping results start coming, Im already just feeling good about myself because I know Im doing the right thing.
Tonight my husband and I are going to eat at my mommas house. Its my grandmas birthday and shes cooking and inviting her boyfriend and us over so that will be nice to see my family. I dont get to see them often since I got married and of course I miss my mom and sister to death.
I finished my Anatomy class today (even though this was the second time taking it lol) I think I did ok. Im really hopeing for an A but idk if that will happen cause I had a 90 last week so Ill probably get a B . So anyways, now that Im all done, I have a WHOLE MONTH OFF SCHOOL WOOT!!!! We are still hoping for the vacation for me to go see snow for the first time around Feb. 18th. CANT WAIT!!!!
I want to get a TON of crocheting done since I have no school I REALLY hope I can.
We got all of our W2′s now we have to go file our taxes. Im debating, I dont know what to do. When we first started the company Steven wasnt taking out enough so we dont know if we will owe from that period of time that he didnt know that he wasnt having enough coming out so should we file before vacation and MAYBE get some money back, or file after vacation incase we have to pay so we dont jip ourselves of a good time? lol, its hard to think about.
Anyways, thats whats been goin on, gonna get myself together for dinner tonight and do some crocheting.
Posted in crochet, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Steven, my love, Vacation, Work
Tagged class, crochet, crocheting, dinner, exercise, family, health, hobbies, husband, kenpoX, kick-boxing, mom, P90X, school, taxes, vacation, Weight loss, Work, work out
So Im feeling pretty bad right now. Really bad headache. Dizzy…. Ive been having high blood pressure, who knows why, Im not old and Im not overweight. Maybe stress but even when I really do feel really calm, I still have high blood pressure. idk, if Steven comes home and I still feel bad I might go to convinient care to get it checked out. I have a Maternal Fetal Medicine appt. on Monday to do bloodwork and talk to me about what I have I guess.. Idk what really is going to happen lol.
So last Sunday Steven and I took the dogs out to a park… and THIS is why I LOVE where I live and couldnt move away, Im a nature girl all the way.
Ugh it was beautiful and the dogs LOVED it! They swam, (as we watched very closely for alligators) They ran all over, and of course loved the wind in their faces on the buggy. It was beautiful. There were cows and deer and birds and yes, alligators.
Then Tuesday I went to joanns to buy some yarn to make some baby hats cause we started a group at church to make things for people in hospitals, stillbirths, homeless, etc. and while standing in line, I heard this music. It became louder and louder. I stepped out of line like a crazy woman and walked towards the music. It was soft and familiar. *Flashbacks*. Hospital, contractions, push, baby, family, cry, wheelchaired to car empty handed….. It was the same music I had steven’s parents bring from home to play for me while I was in labor. Steven religously played it for me over and over till I asked him to turn it off (long after he was sick of it). It caught me. Out of no where, completely triggered every smell, sound, touch, and thought of that day. I didnt cry. But I wandered back toward the checkout line silently, staring at the ground.
Here are the hats Ive made so far, the yellow is more of a child size and the pink is a preemie hat.
We went on the boat yesterday. Steven saw a manatee, of course I didnt lol. It was nice out.
I have to work this weekend so lots of homework, a little crocheting. Next month I have off school cause I dont have any classes scheduled (YAY). I hope to do a lot of crocheting. It would be SO much fun to open an ETSY shop! .
<3 anyways, my head hurts,Im gonna go for now.
Posted in crochet, Dogs, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, School, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged Blood pressure, crochet, crocheting, Death, dizzy, doctor, dog, dogs, family, flashbacks, friends, hat, Headache, health, hobbies, Hypertension, Infant Loss, nature, Stillbirth, stillborn, Work