I can tell that the end of this pregnancy is drawing near. These symotoms that I have been having were the last things I felt before I gave birth to Seth.
- hard time sleeping, every joint aches (mostly hands and shoulders), when I walk I can feel my hips pop in and out (I literally feel them growing outwards), high blood pressure, lots of potty time, all day headaches, and severe nightly heartburn. *Phew, did that cover everything?
It does not bother me as much this time around because I know that it is normal and I know that I dont have to deal with it much longer. Except, … the blood pressure issue. Who knows why I have such high blood pressure, no one can figure it out. I am (normally) a normal weight, young, non-smoking, lots of walking -girl. They have done kidney scans, urine tests, protein tests, heart tests… nothing shows up. I switched from an automatic wrist cuff to a manual blood pressure cuff and there is a dramatic difference. The automatic cuff was not getting a proper reading. Last night when I checked it, I had just been sitting on the couch for about an hour doing nothing and it was 180/100 !???? Then, I waited a few minutes and asked Steven to take it to make sure I wasnt being crazy and it was 170/90!? Thats just scary. If my bp is that high when Im just sitting here, Im sure that it will be very high in delivery and I dont want to have to do a c-section only because its obviously scary. I can almost guarantee that they will put me back on procardia to lower my bp so I dont get pre-eclampsia or have a stroke or something. Im just so scared. After hearing that Seth probably died from a medicine that the last midwife gave me- I am TERRIFIED to take ANYTHING!
So anyways, as my headaches incur, I will try not to think about my blood pressure, moving, or anything for that matter because I am sooo close to the end and I will not let anyone screw this up!
Gonna try to take my pressure again, sleep this headache away, and wait for a phone call from my husband on whether or not we can move some small things over like pots and pans today to the new house.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Infant loss, Pregnancy
Tagged anxiety, Blood pressure, Conditions and Diseases, family, health, Hypertension, Infant Loss, Medicine, Pre-eclampsia, Pregnancy
So today starts a VERY long 10 weeks. Yesterday when I went to my perinatologist they did an ultrasound and the tech said that everything was looking good. the baby still had her head enveloped and smooshed against my placenta lol, but at least she is head down again. She was 3 lbs 5 oz and 15.9 in long. I will be 30 weeks in a couple of days. Im excited but now Im very nervous because they told me that my blood pressure has slowly been rising in my logs and that they think it is best for me to not continue working. They are specialists, this is their job to make me and the baby stay healthy… but its hard to accept. So starting today Im not working until after delivery. I cried last night before bed, I cried when I woke up today, and I cried when Steven called me. Financially it is scary (I took out short term disability hoping to use it for the baby but now, if I even get accepted, it will be all used up by the time the baby gets here). What is keeping me sane is the fact that this is my favorite season, my daughter is on her way, and I have a ton of cleaning and preparing to do. What is driving me crazy is, now I have to limit my baby spending, which is my favorite thing to do- baby shop.
Sometime this week I have to complete yet ANOTHER 24 hour urine test to look at my kidney’s and the effect my blood pressure is having on my body (that sucks). Everything is going to be all smooshed into weekly slots now because I see my specialist every Monday and my OB every Thursday until the end.
So I guess the point of me staying home is to lessen my anxiety and my blood pressure so I will try to do my hypnobirthing a little bit every day and keep calm. In 4 weeks, it will be the the same amount of weeks in which I lost Seth. That is going to be hard to cope with. Tip-toeing past every day from that point, wondering if we’re going to make it.
I feel so guilty for not working because Im not sick, Im just pregnant with high blood pressure. I hope my husband does not feel burdened but I hope too that work continues to pile up for him. He loves to work. He told me the other day that he is glad that work has picked up because it makes him feel like a man and he is glad to be busy. I pray that he gets a full 40 hours of work every week through the end of this medical leave I have to take.
There are jobs I can try to get at the hospital like sitting jobs (sitting with the elderly and baker acts) but if I am being paid by my employer then I am not on FMLA like my specialist requested and they can refuse treatment and my insurance can refuse payment. ….
I just feel like poop not doing anything productive but I promise to keep up with the housework, finish all of the baby projects I started, and take good care of myself daily now. This will eventually end and I will eventually have my job to go back to, Thank the Lord.
Its almost November :-O…. oh my word, this baby will be here soon.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Holidays, Infant loss, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged anxiety, baby, Blood pressure, child, Children, daughter, fall, family, health, Holidays, Home, husband, Hypertension, Infant Loss, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, seasons, son, Stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tomorrow is my appointment with the specialist. I am nervous but excited. I havnt seen this doctor since …well since the beginning of the year when he did all of my kidney tests and high blood pressure stuff. I remember at me last appointment he said, “ok, its time, you have the go ahead from me. Now when would you like to start trying, 1 month?3 months? 6 months?…” I laughed and said- um, I think were going to wait like 3 years, my husband does not want to really try yet…… He looked very baffled. He was a great man though.
im sure I will but Im praying I get an ultrasound at this appointment, its been a few weeks and Im just anxious to see how the little one is growing. Ill be 12 weeks and 5 days and I know its early but the specialist does 4D’s to check on all of the baby’s features so Im hoping (with a tiny bit of hope lol) that they can tell me what the baby is. Ugh that would be so exciting!, if not, I will probably have to wait another 4-ish weeks which is totally fine, its not that far away….. Whoa, in a little over a month I will be half way through this pregnancy!??? crazy!
ugh Im ready, lets get to the meaty part of this pregnancy, get down to business, and have a beautiful baby, UGHH I cant wait, Im so impatient lol.
When you say January you think next year and then it seems forever away.
I cant wait for tonight to be over. I have two days off the 3rd and 4th!
Stay safe rainbow
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Work
Tagged anxiety, family, health, Home, Hypertension, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, ultrasound, Work
So… Here is the deal. Since Seth passed away I have been seeing a doctor. It started out as a preconception visit and has turned into this giant medical fiasco. First we did blood work and a kidney urine test and I was diagnosed with hypertension. My liver enzymes were too high and the kidney test wasnt handled right by the lab so I had to repeat it. The doctor said I should not have hypertension with my age and weight so he needed a duplex renal artery ultrasound. I had an appointment scheduled for Monday to go over my ultrasound (its already done), new set of bloodwork, and kidney screen BUT the doctors office called me yesterday and said- The radiologist and Doctor said you need to get a MRA of your renal arteries as soon as you can, tell registration they need to rule out fibromuscular hyperplasia.
WHAAAA???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? So I had the MRA today. It is just like an MRI. They started an IV, flushed it with Saline (gross taste and smell), put this giant board on my stomach, slid me into this awfully close-quarters machine that made LOUD noises. and the nurse told me when to stop breathing for 12-20 seconds at a time. I kept my eyes closed the whole time except for once and when I opened them I started to freak out so… I closed them and tried very very hard to control my breathing. The lady told me when she was shooting the contrast into my IV, it was a metal called gadolinium. It had a little taste and gave me a slight headache for a few seconds but it was not bad at all. When it was all over, The lady helped me up and was all EXTRA nice to me, it kind of freaked me out…
Now its waiting time. The worst time EVER. UGH, I hate waiting. Im glad my doctor is totally on top of things but who would have thought that my kidneys would be messing up this early in the game. I see the Doctor Thursday and Im going to call medical records on Tuesday to make sure that the MRA was read so that Im not wasting a visit at the doctor. (this is getting EXPENSIVE). I guess He will go over with me my new lab draw of enzymes and kidney tests…
Wish me luck, it’s a little scary.
Posted in Health, Infant loss, Seth, my baby, stillbirth, stillborn
Tagged Death, doctor, health, Hyperplasia, Hypertension, Infant Loss, Kidney, Liver function tests, medical issues, MRA, Renal artery, Stillbirth, stillborn
They were so nice Im very happy that everyone in the office took time to talk to me.
The doctor said to start with, I need to
1. loose 20 lbs. (ugh that sounds so hard, I dont even know what to do)
2. do cardio exercise every day
3. take a vitamin and 1mg of folic acid
4. keep track of my blood pressure.
He said Im too young to be having high blood pressure like I’ve had. He thinks I might have kidney problems like renal stenosis and/or thyroid problems so I have to go get a bunch of blood taken and pee in a bucket for a day (and keep in in an ice bucket) so he can look at all the labs. Im honestly terrified that the results will come back with something scary.
We discussed basically getting in shape, my weird problems, and stevens heart problem. The doctor was concerned about his bicuspid aortic valve and told me that he needs to see a cardiologist since he has not been seeing a doctor.
So anyways, I go back on valentines day for my next appt.
In other news, we were supposed to go on vacation and now…. well now we have all of these unexpected bills from a problem that my husband ran into and i dont think well have money to go now… UGH SO ANGRY. I WANT TO GET AWAY. I just want to cry cause I cant stand it, I need a break. We havnt gone on vacation since our honeymoon almost 2 years ago, and all we did then was take 3 days off and go fishing.
so … thats it for today. I have tomorrow off. I need to crochet, do schoolwork, lose weight, and chillax cause I feel like Im gonna pass out from all this junk.
Ok, its 10 PM… I did my first day of P90X to lose some weight, it was a work out of 1hr. and 15 min. Worked on Chest, back, and abs…. BUT my whole body feels like its going to snap in half lol… WOW I did not realize how NOT in shape I was. This is going to be hard but I have to lose the weight so here it goes. Glad I got through the first of 90 days of pure craziness!
Posted in Health, Infant loss, MTHFR, stillbirth, stillborn, Uncategorized, Vacation, Work
Tagged abs, back, Bicuspid aortic valve, Blood pressure, chest, doctor, exercise, folic acid, Heart disease, Hypertension, P90X, Renal artery stenosis, vacation, Weight loss, work out
So Im feeling pretty bad right now. Really bad headache. Dizzy…. Ive been having high blood pressure, who knows why, Im not old and Im not overweight. Maybe stress but even when I really do feel really calm, I still have high blood pressure. idk, if Steven comes home and I still feel bad I might go to convinient care to get it checked out. I have a Maternal Fetal Medicine appt. on Monday to do bloodwork and talk to me about what I have I guess.. Idk what really is going to happen lol.
So last Sunday Steven and I took the dogs out to a park… and THIS is why I LOVE where I live and couldnt move away, Im a nature girl all the way.
Ugh it was beautiful and the dogs LOVED it! They swam, (as we watched very closely for alligators) They ran all over, and of course loved the wind in their faces on the buggy. It was beautiful. There were cows and deer and birds and yes, alligators.
Then Tuesday I went to joanns to buy some yarn to make some baby hats cause we started a group at church to make things for people in hospitals, stillbirths, homeless, etc. and while standing in line, I heard this music. It became louder and louder. I stepped out of line like a crazy woman and walked towards the music. It was soft and familiar. *Flashbacks*. Hospital, contractions, push, baby, family, cry, wheelchaired to car empty handed….. It was the same music I had steven’s parents bring from home to play for me while I was in labor. Steven religously played it for me over and over till I asked him to turn it off (long after he was sick of it). It caught me. Out of no where, completely triggered every smell, sound, touch, and thought of that day. I didnt cry. But I wandered back toward the checkout line silently, staring at the ground.
Here are the hats Ive made so far, the yellow is more of a child size and the pink is a preemie hat.
We went on the boat yesterday. Steven saw a manatee, of course I didnt lol. It was nice out.
I have to work this weekend so lots of homework, a little crocheting. Next month I have off school cause I dont have any classes scheduled (YAY). I hope to do a lot of crocheting. It would be SO much fun to open an ETSY shop! .
<3 anyways, my head hurts,Im gonna go for now.
Posted in crochet, Dogs, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, School, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged Blood pressure, crochet, crocheting, Death, dizzy, doctor, dog, dogs, family, flashbacks, friends, hat, Headache, health, hobbies, Hypertension, Infant Loss, nature, Stillbirth, stillborn, Work