Ok so today is another random post filled with all of my messy thoughts into one giant .. thing :).
[ONE GIANT PARENTHESIS]
Its hard to see but my baby sister is going to college! I’m so proud of her. She is working so hard and doing so well. I cant believe that it is time and she is all grown up. I want to cry lol. Congratulations Courtney! You are beautiful and funny and fantastic and you will succeed. You will do good things. You will be just fine :).
[ONE GIANT PARENTHESIS]
Lets start with the most important of all. My mom sent me this video. Its just amazing.
I cant seem to get the video to post 😦 but here is the link.
This is amazing. God gives you a second chance- TAKE IT! I just cant believe how real it all is. Life is just a vapor. Do we really sit and squander over such simple things, why? This woman’s story reminded me of the passage in the Bible from Luke 16:19-31:
19 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ 25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’ 27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ 29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ 30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ 31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’
Holy smokes- I want to tell the world! Follow Him, He’s sweet and tender and gives everlasting peace. Why would you not want to try Jesus out? The world often reminds me of the girl who has a sweet gentle man who asks her out and she continually says “no, were better off as friends” while she turns to the man who beats her, belittles her, and treats her of no value.
I also want to tell the world- THERE IS HOPE, lol. Thanks to a bloggers comment I have been researching MTHFR polymorphism even more. What is most exciting is that the pieces are coming together and it all makes sense. The migraines, the “mini-strokes” as a child that the doctors deemed “anxiety”, the severe anxiety and tint of depression, the mood swings, the fuzziness, the cramps, the midwife telling me my folic acid was low at my last appointment in which Seth was still alive (hoping I would get the hint), the cord blood clot- IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
Its this little guy right here ^. World, meet methylfolate. MTHFR is the enzyme needed to process folate (also called folic acid, a B vitamin found in many vegetables, grains and supplements) and allows it into the brain. Folate in the brain is the necessary building block for many neurotransmitters (including serotonin), which helps regulate our MOODS! My body is not getting regular folic acid from food. I need it in it’s active form folate. My body cannot function up to par like the rest of yours out there because this one piece is missing. This piece can prevent psychiatric disorders, heart disease, and other blood disorders. AMAZING. CAN I TELL THE WORLD? By taking folate and asprin I may be able to carry a baby full term if it’s God’s will! WHOA! I know there are risks to everything but Seth gave me the gift of finding out about this disorder so I can start helping myself live healthier now. Whether I’m pregnant or not, its good for my brain. If you could not take in water but you knew you needed it so you found a way to take it when you were pregnant, would you only take it when you were pregnant?- NO, you would take it every day because its essential and you cant life without it! Same with this for me. There is a reason God made this little Folate enzyme- so that it will work where its supposed to! So I went and bought this
Heres some info on the importance of MTHFR
ANYWAYS- I think its amazing that I MAY feel better because of this, I cant wait to try it out.
Next on my list of things to do today was go to the cemetery and visit with my son.
It was a beautiful day. Nice and warm but a gentle breeze, enough to keep me from being too hot. I cant help but notice the big green tents that are set up for grave site services. Every time I go in I count. Today there were 2. One was across the way from Seth’s grave.
I sat on the ground next to Seth’s grave and prayed for the family. I just sat there. I let the breeze blow in my face. I looked at the sun. I listened to the mowing, the cars driving by, the birds chirping. It was a beautiful day. Seth’s grave is starting to set in and sink some…. I can’t wait till his headstone comes. Its so barren and I don’t like it. I want to have flowers or something, anything. It should be here in a month or two.
In this last photo, you can see, right in the middle crevice of that tree there is a little tiny baby tree growing from the middle. Hmm, so sweet. This big momma tree right next to Seth’s grave was holding her little baby tree. That wasn’t there before. [I know because I admire and sit next to and stare at that tree every time I visit.]
When I got home I tried to play with the dogs.. Aida just has too much energy. For those of you who havnt met my beautiful BABY – 1 year old Aida- here she is 🙂
She is the biggest most beautiful 1 year old blue eyed baby a momma could ever ask for! BUT – seriously, she has ADHD, she cannot sit still for anything. I could not get any pictures cause she was runing around like a crazy thing out there.
Then there is Taz, the old grumpy man that doesn’t want Aida to mess with him hehe…
So that is the story of my life. And with 0 dollars in my bank account, I will now go cook what is left in the fridge so I don’t have to buy food at work for the rest of the week. Wish me luck. I SUCK at cooking.