Relief please?

Back and forth on my emotions again today. I had a very stressful day. There were a lot of stat calls and emergency situations at work today (oddly enough, not in the ER) so of course the adrenaline rush pumps my anxiety after I do my job. I have been having chest pain and I just feel yucky.

I got a text saying my cousin was going into labor today. I cried and wanted to go home from work but I just went down the the ER and kept busy. It is hard. We were supposed to have our sons around the same time… I actually went to go see her, I just stopped in and said hey before everyone got there and before the contractions got worse. It was fine. We just talked about work and how excited her daughter was.

After that I went to the desk and asked if they took pictures of Seth when I had him because I thought I heard they would. The charge nurse came up front because the lady at the nurses station didn’t know. I repeated the question and she asked for the birthday and my last name, She went in the back and said “Wait, weren’t you in room 1, and wasn’t the baby’s name Seth”… Yes, I answered. She had a good memory. She said “Yeah, I took the pictures of him”. She couldn’t find the pictures but promised that someone would call me tomorrow and have an answer of when they would be in.

I’ve just been a nervous wreck all day I haven’t even eaten. I finally ate something a few minutes ago just cause I had forgotten to eat all day. I have so much homework and I cant focus long enough to go through it.

I was asked to sing a solo at church. I am TERRIFIED, Im even considering backing out. I sang the song before but it’s been YEARS and I just am scared that I will be so nervous that I wont do it justice, or Ill pass out, or Ill just act like an idiot. I hate being as nervous as I am for solo’s. I just want to get sick. Imagine this shy little girl singing this

I want to throw up, or poop my pants, or both. Maybe if the lights were off, or someone was distracting the attention away from me by signing or dancing I would not be AS nervous. Not to mention I may cry. .. I would not have been able to sing this if I was pregnant. I remember how out of breath I was from just standing.

Im so anxious. I hope I sleep good. I just feel emotional. I want to lay in bed. I cant wait till my husband comes home this weekend.

We didn’t get the car loan… Its cause you must be self employed 2 years in order to be approved if you are a self employee and Steven is but has only been for like 6 months so…. POOP on you bank, poop on you… I don’t understand, we already had a loan with them and paid it off and our debt to income ratio is good and our credit is good … ugh..

I wish I could just kick this anxiety, I dont know why my mind is running a million miles a minute. I just want to relax and not think about anything… Including school lol.

BUT, life goes on, I MUST go finish my homework or Im gonna be in trouble, I only have a week and a half left of this class and then I start another one. They have an online live session tonight and Im DREADING DOING THAT.

just want relief.

Advertisements

3 responses to “Relief please?

  1. Hollie,focus put some worship music on,satan is trying to get to you when you are weak don”t let him,reach out to God. Greater is he that is in you then he that is in the world I love you.I miss you.

  2. Don’t push yourself too hard though.

  3. Breathe 🙂 If they asked you to sing solo, it must mean you have a beautiful voice they want you to share!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s