Good thoughts …

Good thoughts, good thoughts lol.

Im just all paranoid and freaked out. I called this new OB that I was recommended to see by someone who has the same condition as me. Of course Doctors are too good to talk to their patient if it’s not in person so the secretary kept insisting that they would not see me till 8 weeks and then I flipped a brick and told her my baby could be dead in 8 weeks if Im not on the right blood thinner or whatever so she said she would get a nurse to call me back. Of course the nurse didnt know what MTHFR polymorphism is but I explained to her, Seth had a blood clot in his cord last time that they suspect came from my gene mutation and problems that it creates with folic acid so I have questions about asprin and am I high risk and all these other things. She finally understood and told me that she wanted me to come in this week (after I told her that I had to see a specialist once before and would go see them if she didnt get me scheduled). I have an appt tomorrow!!! WHOA!!! lol. I know this is not going to be a normal pregnancy and Im ok with that. Im ok with having extra visits. This is not about the money, its about my baby. I will do ANYTHING that I have to do to make this work.

The lady said that they will do an ultrasound tomorrow and a confirmation test to see how many peas I have in my pod (ok I made that term up) lol.

Im only 4 weeks and 3 days and my due date is Jan 11, 2013 and I am starting to get big already.

So, I need to learn how to keep myself calm. I need to keep calm and keep things normal no matter how un-normal this is. I just need to get through physics and stay calm during this class no matter how bad my grade is. And this is why I need to stay calm. I have been getting all A’s on my homework- I can tell you how to do any math physics problem. I thought for sure I had this test in the bag today. Everything the teacher said would be on the test- WAS NOT. There were NO math problems (so I spent ALL those HOURS studying those homework problems and none of those were on the test). There were all definitions and physics concepts like: if a car is going a uniform speed what does that mean…???? IDK what the crap that means?????? so Im pretty sure I failed that, I have 8 more days left of class and Im praying that it flies so the rest of this year and I relax that think about rainbow and have NO worries till I start the program next May. This is the last class before next May- I HAVE to pass, I dont want to take it again UGHH…

ok… SO anyways. I am really nervous about my Dr. appt tomorrow. First of all, It is a man Dr. I feel very akward seeing a man Dr. but I am choosing my baby’s health over my insecurities. If he was recommended because he has dealt with this before then I should suck it up and go see him. They are doing a trans-vaginal ultrasound which is also no fun but I will not complain, Im ready to see my little pea (in the pod). The nurse said of course we probably will not see a heart beat this early on which is ok, I just need to know that everything is ok.

Im curious to see if there is one baby or two lol. Twins run on my side (grandma had twins) and my husbands side of the family. My husband actually had twin brothers (they passed away as babies). I tested positive almost a week and a half before the start of my period and the box said normally a positive test showing at that stage is like a 10% chance, which makes me wonder how I was making so much hcg so early? I guess we’ll see :).

Wow I just feel like my mind is racing. I’m going to go study. (I went to work and Thank God someone told me that I wasn’t supposed to work today LOL [pregnancy brain] so I came back home and I’m dreading this next week of working a billion days in a row 😦 )

I need some calming music and thoughts I don’t want to feel so anxious anymore, Ive been feeling so crazy

Stay safe rainbow.

2 responses to “Good thoughts …

  1. haha you certainly are all excited! Good on you for being persistent, those OB receptionists can be a bit blase sometimes.
    Get a guided meditation CD – mines called ‘rainbow’ funnily enough and it saves me from the crazies most days.

    • I have that one, Im waiting on my cousin to give it back, we were pregnant at the same time last time and I let her use it and all of a sudden lo’ and behold I had to be induced and didnt have my CD 😦

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