I can tell how fearful I am of this pregnancy going wrong because I dream about it every night. In the last week I have had 3 dreams that something went wrong. I am jealous when I hear that someone is pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous because I am finally pregnant but I am jealous that they dont have to worry. They dont have to go full term wondering if something is going to happen at the last minute. They can just expect to bring home a healthy baby. I cant wait till January!!! I just want to have this baby (when its time) of course.
whoa I will have a baby of my own- 24/7 I will have to feed them and raise them and they will be all mine :D. I just need to focus on my pregnancy. I find out Monday what the baby is and I cant wait im getting so impatient cause its so close whooo hoooo…
On another note… Im watching this show called I”Im having their baby”… it i s very interesting, its about adoption… very amazing show and definitely can make a pregnant woman cry lol. Another weird thing… I used to think that every baby looks the same , like a baby, but I saw this one episode where they got a quick shot of one of the baby boys sleeping and he looked just like Seth, it was amazing… It left me speechless, theres nothing to really say about it…
Ok, I need to go eat, Im starving.
Stay safe rainbow…
I wrote a post earlier, which I deleted. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I was very anxious when I wrote it. I am still feeling very anxious but I want to speak out some good truths because its what I mentally need. I am having a rough night because Im feeling funny and Steven is gone, I miss him so dearly when he is working so far away.
Good things that happened today- I got to see some friends. Even though we all live 30-60 minutes away from each other, we all come together every once in a while and its such a great time!
I made cupcakes for the first time ever! Heck it was the first time I have ever baked (and it was all from scratch) and they were amazing!!! they were smores cupcakes and DELICIOUS!
I sold a baby hat that I made, it was at a whim using some new yarn, techniques, and my own pattern from inspiration of a very expensive hat on etsy.
I have time to relax to myself tonight, I may crochet, Ive been making swiffer covers, these bobble stitches are soooo awesome and fun to feel, it would be cool to make a soft baby blanket with this stitch.
I have some anxiety starting this new week but Im ready to get through it because next Monday I have an ultrasound and I find out what the baby is!
Im gonna watch some tv for a bit… 🙂 night
Posted in anxiety, Friends, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Uncategorized
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, baking, Children, cooking, Cupcake, cupcakes, Etsy, friends, hobbies, hobby, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, S'more
Oh man the night terrors of pregnancy! I cant stand it.
I woke up last night sweating, crying, and shaking from a dream that seemed so real. They all seem so real and so scary when your pregnant…Why???
I had this rediculous dream that someone broke in (steven wasnt here [he is out of town right now anyways]) and tried to stab me and I just kept crying ‘dont hurt my baby’ , he hept cuttingmy arms and when he got a crazed look in his eyes he went for my stomach and I woke up screaming. I looked down and noticed that I was gripping my stomach so hard and was sitting up- bent over (that is some deep sleep!).
Dreams never used to bother me till one day…. The night before we found out that Seth died, Steven woke me up and in a panic told me that he just had a dream that the baby died and he dosnt know what he’d do if he lost us. The next day we found out that baby Seth passed away and my blood pressure remained so dangerously high during labor that the nurses and doctors were scared that I was going to have a stroke.
Ever since then, every eerie dream that I have really bothers me. I have had some scary dreams about something happening to the baby that I wont even type out because I just want everything to go right for this baby, even a dream scares me… its sad, I sound like a child but what would you feel like after that happened to you.
I cant stand it, these are not just bad dreams, they are real night terrors. when you wake up sweating, shaking, and screaming, its not just a dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged babies, baby, child, dream, Dream Sharing, Infant, Interpretation, Night terror, Pregnancy, pregnant, Psychology
Today was wonderful, I did nothing :). Today was my day off and Steven is out of town working so I did things on my own time. I washed dishes and did laundry and crocheted and it was wonderful. I made a swiffer cover and another baby owl hat and booties for a girl at work who is due in 6 weeks.
I had milk and cookies after dinner tonight and the baby loved it! That crazy doctor trying to say the food I eat is not good for the baby— the baby loves it old man (lol… I have been eating better so I gave in finally tonight).
Someone dropped off maternity clothes today to me and Im SOOOO excited, its a ton of great clothes that I could totally use! Last time I somehow survived my whole pregnancy with only 2 pairs of shorts and 2 shirts- now I have pants, shorts, skirts, and all kinds of shirts. Excited!
I found out that someone is going to buy my guitar (that I have not played in a year), which means I can do the biggest package for the 4D ultrasound. which includes
A CD with ALL of the pictures from the ultrasound, printed pictures of the ultrasound, a DVD of the entire ultrasound and the heartbeat, a website for the baby and his/her pictures, a copyright release to print more pictures at any photo lab, during the 30 minute ultrasound the family is in the next room (allowed up to 40 people) and they are provided with popcorn/candy/and soda and the sonographer explains the ultrasound to them through a microphone. OH MY WORD that is a lot and Im so excited because I really want my whole family to get the chance to see the baby. Everyone is so anxious of course and I think this will make everyone smile and feel good :)- I cant wait and Im praying the sale really goes through so I get the opportunity.
So anyways thats about all my wonderful day consisted of… Im a little sad that I have to go to work tomorrow.
stay safe rainbow.
Posted in crochet, Family, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Work
Tagged 3D ultrasound, babies, baby, child, Children, crochet, family, Home, Infant, Maternity clothing, Pregnancy, rainbow baby
I really want chocolate, its all I can think about… I would go to walmart now like a crazy pregnant woman and get it but seriously walmart at night is dangerous, every time I try that a creeper follows me to my car … so- no chocolate for me tonight… but I am desperate :(.
I never had any cravings with Seth- none! This is so weird. Chocolate and coke Ive been wanting these things so bad during this pregnancy. Note it- my 21st birthday is coming up lol.
P.S.- exactly two weeks from now if the baby cooperates I will know whether Im having a boy or a girl YAYYYYY!
Posted in Pregnancy, Rainbow baby
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, Chocolate, cravings, Food, Pregnancy, Shopping, ultrasound
Even though I dont want to complain one bit about pregnancy because I DO want EVERY second of this… I need a place to spill my emotions and this is it so ignore it or read it. I feel like crying sometimes because-
I feel like…. poop. lol. Oh my word. No matter how little or how much sleep I get I feel like I am going to fall over at any second. Im sitting on the couch, trying to get motivated to clean again before Steven comes home, but my eyes are on fire. They burn and Im tired. I feel like I have zero energy, not even enough to breathe. 15.5 weeks = nothing is different
Here is the worst part of the last few days. I have lost ALL control of my bladder. It is so embarrassing. No matter how many thousands of kegels I do, I pee myself multiple times daily. Im sick of it. Im sick of changing, of peeing, of not being able to control my stinking bladder. Is something wrong? This did not happen last time and Seth was right on my bladder for the WHOLE pregnancy the doctors said. I know after I had the baby I had some problems with jumping and sneezing, but those were tinkles, this is…. disastrous. Ill be 21 in a little over a month for goodness sakes, is this really how its gonna be forever???? Am I always going to be the young girl turned granny, wearing diapers out to my date nights at 21? Im to the point where Im angry because Im scared to go in public and pee myself. I guess I will talk to the doctor about it but what is he gonna do about it… And the great thing is too it seems like I only have to cough and sneeze when Im pregnant, I do it at least 5 times a day, I dont remember EVER sneezing before being pregnant.
I really need to get up and all I want to do is sleep… I slept 10 hours last night and I feel like I never went to bed.
Cant. Wait. Till. Baby. Is. Here!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged babies, bladder, chil, Children, family, health, Home, motivation, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, sleep
I just cant wait. I am always so anxious about how the baby is doing. Its hard in these early months, you just have no clue what is going on besides your stomach growing like an elephant. Looking back at my old pictures of my pregnancy with Seth, I am now the size that I was when I was 22 weeks with him … but right now Im only 15… Its almost embarrassing but- I havnt gained more than 2 pounds, my stomach is just pushing outwards, the gas has finally gone away lol, now I just deal with peeing on myself….. very sad… but I totally feel the baby bouncing right on top of my now flattened bladder and even when I dont have to use the potty- I do. I am just beyond excited to have a baby here and I am so impatient.
I am finally trying to get all my crochet stuff going. My goal is to raise enough money for my 3D ultrasound for the family to see and then if I make more than that I want to give it to my husband to build a buggy that he really wants. He has done a lot for me and has given up a lot of his man projects since we have gotten married so that he can provide and give me what I want so I really hope to make enough to be worth it for him. Im just excited that I get to crochet :).
Tonight I have the ER- wish me luck, I hope its an easy night with good Doctors because I have a sinus infection and I feel like my head is going to explode, its hard to just breathe.
Posted in crochet, Family, Health, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, Work
Tagged 3D ultrasound, babies, baby, crochet, doctor, ER, family, Pregnancy, pregnant, rainbow baby