Monthly Archives: July 2012


I can tell how fearful I am of this pregnancy going wrong because I dream about it every night. In the last week I have had 3 dreams that something went wrong. I am jealous when I hear that someone is pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous because I am finally pregnant but I am jealous that they dont have to worry. They dont have to go full term wondering if something is going to happen at the last minute. They can just expect to bring home a healthy baby. I cant wait till January!!! I just want to have this baby (when its time) of course.

whoa I will have a baby of my own- 24/7 I will have to feed them and raise them and they will be all mine :D.  I just need to focus on my pregnancy. I find out Monday what the baby is and I cant wait im getting so impatient cause its so close whooo hoooo…

On another note… Im watching this show called I”Im having their baby”… it i s very interesting, its about adoption… very amazing show and definitely can make a pregnant woman cry lol. Another weird thing… I used to think that every baby looks the same , like a baby, but I saw this one episode where they got a quick shot of one of the baby boys sleeping and he looked just like Seth, it was amazing… It left me speechless, theres nothing to really say about it…

Ok, I need to go eat, Im starving.

Stay safe rainbow…

Cupcakes and friends

I wrote a post earlier, which I deleted. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I was very anxious when I wrote it. I am still feeling very anxious but I want to speak out some good truths because its what I mentally need. I am having a rough night because Im feeling funny and Steven is gone, I miss him so dearly when he is working so far away.

Good things that happened today- I got to see some friends. Even though we all live 30-60 minutes away from each other, we all come together every once in a while and its such a great time!

I made  cupcakes for the first time ever! Heck it was the first time I have ever baked (and it was all from scratch) and they were amazing!!! they were smores cupcakes and DELICIOUS!

I sold a baby hat that I made, it was at a whim using some new yarn, techniques, and my own pattern from inspiration of a very expensive hat on etsy.

I have time to relax to myself tonight, I may crochet, Ive been making swiffer covers, these bobble stitches are soooo awesome and fun to feel, it would be cool to make a soft baby blanket with this stitch.

I have some anxiety starting this new week but Im ready to get through it because next Monday I have an ultrasound and I find out what the baby is!

Im gonna watch some tv for a bit… 🙂 night

randomness of a good day

Today was wonderful, I did nothing :). Today was my day off and Steven is out of town working so I did things on my own time. I washed dishes and did laundry and crocheted and it was wonderful. I made a swiffer cover and another baby owl hat and booties for a girl at work who is due in 6 weeks.

I had milk and cookies after dinner tonight and the baby loved it! That crazy doctor trying to say the food I eat is not good for the baby— the baby loves it old man  (lol… I have been eating better so I gave in finally tonight).

Someone dropped off maternity clothes today to me and Im SOOOO excited, its a ton of great clothes that I could totally use! Last time I somehow survived my whole pregnancy with only 2 pairs of shorts and 2 shirts- now I have pants, shorts, skirts, and all kinds of shirts. Excited!

I found out that someone is going to buy my guitar (that I have not played in a year), which means I can do the biggest package for the 4D ultrasound. which includes

A CD with ALL of the pictures from the ultrasound, printed pictures of the ultrasound, a DVD of the entire ultrasound and the heartbeat, a website for the baby and his/her pictures, a copyright release to print more pictures at any photo lab, during the 30 minute ultrasound the family is in the next room (allowed up to 40 people) and they are provided with popcorn/candy/and soda and the sonographer explains the ultrasound to them through a microphone. OH MY WORD that is a lot and Im so excited because I really want my whole family to get the chance to see the baby. Everyone is so anxious of course and I think this will make everyone smile and feel good :)- I cant wait and Im praying the sale really goes through so I get the opportunity.

So anyways thats about all my wonderful day consisted of… Im a little sad that I have to go to work tomorrow.

stay safe rainbow.

Chocolate and coke

I really want chocolate, its all I can think about… I would go to walmart now like a crazy pregnant woman and get it but seriously walmart at night is dangerous, every time I try that a creeper follows me to my car … so- no chocolate for me tonight… but I am desperate :(.

I never had any cravings with Seth- none! This is so weird. Chocolate and coke Ive been wanting these things so bad during this pregnancy. Note it- my 21st birthday is coming up lol.

P.S.- exactly two weeks from now if the baby cooperates I will know whether Im having a boy or a girl YAYYYYY!

A lot of TMI today

Even though I dont want to complain one bit about pregnancy because I DO want EVERY second of this… I need a place to spill my emotions and this is it so ignore it or read it. I feel like crying sometimes because-

I feel like…. poop. lol. Oh my word. No matter how little or how much sleep I get I feel like I am going to fall over at any second. Im sitting on the couch, trying to get motivated to clean again before Steven comes home, but my eyes are on fire. They burn and Im tired. I feel like I have zero energy, not even enough to breathe. 15.5 weeks = nothing is different

Here is the worst part of the last few days. I have lost ALL control of my bladder. It is so embarrassing. No matter how many thousands of kegels I do, I pee myself multiple times daily. Im sick of it. Im sick of changing, of peeing, of not being able to control my stinking bladder. Is something wrong? This did not happen last time and Seth was right on my bladder for the WHOLE pregnancy the doctors said. I know after I had the baby I had some problems with jumping and sneezing, but those were tinkles, this is…. disastrous. Ill be 21 in a little over a month for goodness sakes, is this really how its gonna be forever???? Am I always going to be the young girl turned granny, wearing diapers out to my date nights at 21?  Im to the point where Im angry because Im scared to go in public and pee myself. I guess I will talk to the doctor about it but what is he gonna do about it…  And the great thing is too it seems like I only have to cough and sneeze when Im pregnant, I do it at least 5 times a day, I dont remember EVER sneezing before being pregnant.

I really need to get up and all I want to do is sleep… I slept 10 hours last night and I feel like I never went to bed.

Cant. Wait. Till. Baby. Is. Here!

Baby talk and crochet stock

I just cant wait. I am always so anxious about how the baby is doing. Its hard in these early months, you just have no clue what is going on besides your stomach growing like an elephant. Looking back at my old pictures of my pregnancy with Seth, I am now the size that I was when I was 22 weeks with him … but right now Im only 15… Its almost embarrassing but- I havnt gained more than 2 pounds, my stomach is just pushing outwards, the gas has finally gone away lol, now I just deal with peeing on myself….. very sad… but I totally feel the baby bouncing right on top of my now flattened bladder and even when I dont have to use the potty- I do.  I am just beyond excited to have a baby here and I am so impatient.

I am finally trying to get all my crochet stuff going. My goal is to raise enough money for my 3D ultrasound for the family to see and then if I make more than that I want to give it to my husband to build a buggy that he really wants. He has done a lot for me and has given up a lot of his man projects since we have gotten married so that he can provide and give me what I want so I really hope to make enough to be worth it for him.  Im just excited that I get to crochet :).

Tonight I have the ER- wish me luck, I hope its an easy night with good Doctors because I have a sinus infection and I feel like my head is going to explode, its hard to just breathe.

Need some WordPress help

Maybe it is the pregnancy brain but I have NO CLUE how to get rid of the Bees knees saying on the top of the new blog I started for my crochet store..???? HELP?? 



Admitting that I am great at procrastinating, I will do it some more this morning. I am attempting to put off cleaning. Unfortunately Steven has to work (yeah on a Saturday, yuck), so I slept in and made breakfast and like a grown woman, am sitting here doing nothing. I always have these goals (ie. get cleaning done before Steven comes home so I can spend time with him) but they never happen in time. Besides I think he is going to hang out with a friend after work so…. yeah, fun.

After the maid comes to clean the house today (me…. believe me I would hire one if I could afford it lol) then I will probably sew. I am also highly thinking of opening an account. On they have a deal for a 3 month subscription for 10 dollars, that would be cool to find things out about my massive family.

I have this cough and sore throat this morning, hope it goes away, but the cool thing is I just coughed and felt the baby move  and NO LIE, I saw my stomach move for the first time! Im 14 weeks and its great, as a non first time mom I know what baby movement is vs. gas :D. It was not any STRONG kick but I could feel the baby roll over and I looked down at my tummy and for like 5 long seconds and could see my stomach move and when baby settled down tummy stopped moving woohoo.

I was just laying in bed this morning thinking about how my tummy is getting bigger and moving is becoming uncomfortable (it is true, second baby makes the belly grow way uncontrollably faster). I thought, WHYYY, WHYYY did I want to do this again? …. because its beyond worth it!

Part of me wonders where I would be if I did not chose this path. I told Steven before, and I would still do it today if I was not married- when I graduated I wanted to join the military. I want the challenge, I want the distance. Steven and I had a long conversation when I was about to finish high school and at that point without saying it out loud we knew we wanted to marry each other so I decided to not go away to school and not join the military. I stayed in this old town of ours (and went to school here) and am just as happy that I made a life with him and had a family. There is nothing else that I want. God knew what was best for me.

Is it August yet? I want to see how big this baby has gotten! Man, I dont know about everyone else but when Im pregnant its all I can think about! I dont know how the men in our lives do it, they unfortunately have no way of being connected to a pregnancy until the baby is born.

okay, I guess I have procrastinated long enough… 😦 I am such a child lol.

Stay safe rainbow

P.s.- after actually getting to cleaning and listening to the radio, I head a commercial for a family who is fundraising for their daughter that lost her life to cancer in the area.

For those of us who have lost a child, I have finally realized- sometimes the reason why it hurts so bad is because I cant imagine being a baby or small child and not knowing whats wrong, going through death, how scary that must be. For a stillbirth I feel guilty that I could not see any signs. when I first found out that Seth’s heart was not beating at a long 33 weeks, I cried first because I was scared for him. What was he thinking? He was a completely developed baby, he would have made it if I would have delivered him the day before. A child’s innocence makes them stronger. Sometimes they dont know the fear that adults know about death. The loss, the absence, the pain. They dont know. Thats the pain that a parent carries with them forever. Wanting to be the one who takes the pain away. Love to that and every other family who has lost their beautiful princes and princesses.

Hello second trimester

Its Friday (and 14 weeks) thank God!!! Now I just have to get to work and finish out at 10pm lol. Tonight I have the ER :/… I am happy about staying busy, not happy about being on my feet all night. I was on my feet a lot last night and when I came home my legs were swollen and throbbing (but my blood pressure is fine, its even just a tad tad low) and when I woke up at 5 AM to use the potty they were still throbbing. Oh… and of course the headaches are in full swing now. I thought I was getting away with no headaches with this pregnancy. I remember telling someone during my last pregnancy- These headaches last all day and nothing helps them, its just a 24/7 thing.

Anywho…  next month we get to find out what the little one is (as in gender lol, not alien vs. human). Exciting…

This weekend I think Steven is going out with a friend, he invited me and I want to go but I think Ill let him have some man time. Maybe Ill stay home and finish sewing the dress that I started so I can wear it on Sunday 🙂 and then maybe make an apron (that Ill never cook with lol) because I have nothing else to do… of course I will do all of that after I clean hehe.

okay, Im just delaying getting ready because I am lazy so I must go.

Stay safe rainbow.