Procrastination

Admitting that I am great at procrastinating, I will do it some more this morning. I am attempting to put off cleaning. Unfortunately Steven has to work (yeah on a Saturday, yuck), so I slept in and made breakfast and like a grown woman, am sitting here doing nothing. I always have these goals (ie. get cleaning done before Steven comes home so I can spend time with him) but they never happen in time. Besides I think he is going to hang out with a friend after work so…. yeah, fun.

After the maid comes to clean the house today (me…. believe me I would hire one if I could afford it lol) then I will probably sew. I am also highly thinking of opening an archives.com account. On livingsocial.com they have a deal for a 3 month subscription for 10 dollars, that would be cool to find things out about my massive family.

I have this cough and sore throat this morning, hope it goes away, but the cool thing is I just coughed and felt the baby move  and NO LIE, I saw my stomach move for the first time! Im 14 weeks and its great, as a non first time mom I know what baby movement is vs. gas :D. It was not any STRONG kick but I could feel the baby roll over and I looked down at my tummy and for like 5 long seconds and could see my stomach move and when baby settled down tummy stopped moving woohoo.

I was just laying in bed this morning thinking about how my tummy is getting bigger and moving is becoming uncomfortable (it is true, second baby makes the belly grow way uncontrollably faster). I thought, WHYYY, WHYYY did I want to do this again? …. because its beyond worth it!

Part of me wonders where I would be if I did not chose this path. I told Steven before, and I would still do it today if I was not married- when I graduated I wanted to join the military. I want the challenge, I want the distance. Steven and I had a long conversation when I was about to finish high school and at that point without saying it out loud we knew we wanted to marry each other so I decided to not go away to school and not join the military. I stayed in this old town of ours (and went to school here) and am just as happy that I made a life with him and had a family. There is nothing else that I want. God knew what was best for me.

Is it August yet? I want to see how big this baby has gotten! Man, I dont know about everyone else but when Im pregnant its all I can think about! I dont know how the men in our lives do it, they unfortunately have no way of being connected to a pregnancy until the baby is born.

okay, I guess I have procrastinated long enough… 😦 I am such a child lol.

Stay safe rainbow

P.s.- after actually getting to cleaning and listening to the radio, I head a commercial for a family who is fundraising for their daughter that lost her life to cancer in the area.

For those of us who have lost a child, I have finally realized- sometimes the reason why it hurts so bad is because I cant imagine being a baby or small child and not knowing whats wrong, going through death, how scary that must be. For a stillbirth I feel guilty that I could not see any signs. when I first found out that Seth’s heart was not beating at a long 33 weeks, I cried first because I was scared for him. What was he thinking? He was a completely developed baby, he would have made it if I would have delivered him the day before. A child’s innocence makes them stronger. Sometimes they dont know the fear that adults know about death. The loss, the absence, the pain. They dont know. Thats the pain that a parent carries with them forever. Wanting to be the one who takes the pain away. Love to that and every other family who has lost their beautiful princes and princesses.

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One response to “Procrastination

  1. Hey Hollie, I nominated you for the one lovely blog award :]!!
    http://makeup3130.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/one-lovely-blog-award/

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