Monthly Archives: October 2012

some news

So today starts a VERY long 10 weeks. Yesterday when I went to my perinatologist they did an ultrasound and the tech said that everything was looking good. the baby still had her head enveloped and smooshed against my placenta lol, but at least she is head down again. She was 3 lbs 5 oz and 15.9 in long. I will be 30 weeks in a couple of days. Im excited but now Im very nervous because they told me that my blood pressure has slowly been rising in my logs and that they think it is best for me to not continue working. They are specialists, this is their job to make me and the baby stay healthy… but its hard to accept. So starting today Im not working until after delivery. I cried last night before bed, I cried when I woke up today, and I cried when Steven called me. Financially it is scary (I took out short term disability hoping to use it for the baby but now, if I even get accepted, it will be all used up by the time the baby gets here).  What is keeping me sane is the fact that this is my favorite season, my daughter is on her way, and I have a ton of cleaning and preparing to do. What is driving me crazy is, now I have to limit my baby spending, which is my favorite thing to do- baby shop.

Sometime this week I have to complete yet ANOTHER 24 hour urine test to look at my kidney’s and the effect my blood pressure is having on my body (that sucks). Everything is going to be all smooshed into weekly slots now because I see my specialist every Monday and my OB every Thursday until the end.

So I guess the point of me staying home is to lessen my anxiety and my blood pressure so I will try to do my hypnobirthing a little bit every day and keep calm. In 4 weeks, it will be the the same amount of weeks in which I lost Seth. That is going to be hard to cope with. Tip-toeing past every day  from that point, wondering if we’re going to make it.

I feel so guilty for not working because Im not sick, Im just pregnant with high blood pressure. I hope my husband does not feel burdened but I hope too that work continues to pile up for him. He loves to work. He told me the other day that he is glad that work has picked up because it makes him feel like a man and he is glad to be busy. I pray that he gets a full 40 hours of work every week through the end of this medical leave I have to take.

There are jobs I can try to get at the hospital like sitting jobs (sitting with the elderly and baker acts) but if I am being paid by my employer then I am not on FMLA like my specialist requested and they can refuse treatment and my insurance can refuse payment. :(….

I just feel like poop not doing anything productive but I promise to keep up with the housework, finish all of the baby projects I started, and take good care of myself daily now. This will eventually end and I will eventually have my job to go back to, Thank the Lord.

Its almost November :-O…. oh my word, this baby will be here soon.

Brea’s 4D ultrasound

I thought I would be less anxious at this point because now I have an appointment every week and in 2 weeks I will have an appointment 2 times a week with my doctor. Truth is, I am extremely nervous. My arm is on fire today and Im sure that it’s just nerves.

I dont know why I would be nervous, I did this once, I can do it again. I guess Im just realizing that Brea is getting big. She is now 3 lbs. We did our 4D ultrasound and I just cant believe that our little girl is all grown up.

This is happening, we are having a healthy baby girl… Im pretty scared lol. I just want her to be here. I want to love on her and spoil her and have her all to myself.

Gotta get going for work but Ill leave you with my favorite pictures and videos from the ultrasound.

The norms of pregnancy going on week 29

It feels like forever since I have written but time is flying. I literally wake up in time to get ready for work, rush to work, rush home, eat, go to bed. everyday. lol… all I do literally is eat, sleep and work. I love it, Im thankful. Im just exhausted from the pregnancy. It now takes a good 2 minutes to roll over in bed (which happens every 15-30 minutes at night) because I have so much pressure when I move. The severe insomnia has set in within this last week. I barely sleep it seems like I just toss and turn and stare at the clock all night long. There is laundry all over, dishes in the sink, half finished blankets I have not worked on for the baby, ugh, I think I will literally save up some money for someone to do my nesting cleaning for me because I cannot move without being in pain. I do remember it getting harder around this time with Seth but I was not as big as I am now so bending and moving was at least still manageable.

In 2 days I get my 4D ultrasound WOOOHOOOO! Im pretty excited about that, so is my husband and everyone else of course, I cant wait to show you all pictures and videos.

Im starting to not fit in my work uniforms and they are expensive and of course have to be the hardest color to find in the book (pewter) *yuck*…. so Im just squeezing into them till the seems rip because I refuse to buy anymore because Ill already have to buy some after I lose my baby weight and go back from maternity leave.

Oh I forgot to mention, in 2 days I also have my glucose diabetes test. Ugh, last time I had to drink that stuff- on the last gulp, I almost threw the whole thing up. It was pretty awful. Pray for a good round this time and that its all ok, I cannot give up sweets this pregnancy, its all I crave. From this week on I have a doctors appt. every week! I cried  on the way home from work last night when I realized that I will be 30, yes three-zero, 3-0, thirty, 30weeks next week! oh my word we are so close to the finish line :). I will still be anxious to the end of course because I lost Seth at 34 so I will never feel calm about ending a pregnancy but here’s to the rest of the pain, sleepless nights, and awful mood swings-

all for you my lovely daughter.

taking care of momma

Steven went to work this week. As soon as he left I had some anxiety. It has been so long since he left. I just have a terrible fear that something will happen to him while he is away and I am pregnant.  Anyways, I prayed and turned on some praise music and went back to bed.

Today Im going to get my stuff together and go to my momma’s. She is not feeling well with her back problems and I feel so burdened for her. I cannot do much but at least when I get off work (unfortunately its a little late but better late than never) I can make her dinner or something. I know even when I was on my own. momma came over when I caught the flu at the beginning of my last pregnancy and she made me soup and brought me drinks and tucked me in to bed. her and grandma helped me shower and take care of myself after I had the baby. There is no relationship like a mother’s. I hope I do the same for my daughter and she feels the same way.

I have been feeling great. I love this month, this time of year, this family that I have :). Well, I have a long week of work so I better get ready and get my stuff together for Mom’s house.

rantings about a reserved time out- & baby news

Let me set it clear. NO ONE IS PERFECT – NO , NOT ONE! Lets be real here. Lets be genuine, lets not be all churchy, lets be authentic. There is nothing wrong with having a clean time out. I can be somewhere that serves alcohol, like sitting in the bar room of red lobster because there are no other seats, going to my favorite beef o bradys  for wings or mom and pop sports bar for their pizza. Like bowling at our favorite lane who has a bar next to the food shop. The world will not end, I will not be a bad example. Im not trying to be rude but we have become so consumed by what others are doing and not about how they are doing it that when we hear things, we assume things. This is the exact reason why as I get older I have a hard time staying in church. I do not feel close enough to anyone who will not judge me. Yup, I went line dancing last night with Steven and another young married couple. Yup, I horrifically failed and almost peed my pants from laughing. Yup, me and the other girl are pregnant and 21/22. Yup, we drank water and had a heck of a good time. Yup, we left before my grandmas bed time. Yup, I participated in nothing wrong, and had CLEAN fun with very good fellow christian friends.

The point is, I am not participating in anything bad. I am to answer for my own actions. I am learning to NOT be a home-body and still keep my body in check with what I believe. Christianity is not about amish living, its not about being a stick in the mud, its not about not enjoying the 1 life that God gave you. If you can go out and have sober fun and show others what its like to be filled with the spirit, go for it! I will not judge you for where you are or what youre doing because you have the right to make good or bad decisions anywhere you want. I could choose to let a plethora of alcohol into my home (same as a bar) but I dont, because 1. I dont like it, 2. I dont need it, 3. it does matter that God says that I should not be drunken with wine, 4. that dosnt even really matter because I have no desire lol… its gross and not my thing- chocolate is.

I can dance, and be big, and laugh. there is a big misconception that Christians cannot go into the world, out of our homes and have fun, that they MUST only have fun with other christians.  (mind you we did go to dinner and line dancing with other christians lol).

Its about how you act in your surroundings not where your at. I do not go to a bar and sit at the bar while my friends or strangers are drinking. I go line dancing with friends (who are not alcoholics), drink water, and leave when my baby is pushing the pee out of my bladder from my attempt at 2-stepping. I bowl. I go to movies that are not G rated. I eat out at my favorite resteraunts because they have the best food. I go ride on the ranger in the woods with our dogs, I dont sit in my house and crochet away my entire life.

Just setting the story straight. I have many a friends that I cannot lead to church because of this exact reason. They have good clean moral values and are scared to be judged that their moral values are not good enough, let alone believe in a God who led these people to judge others values. When God convicts you, its a slap in the face and you know it, it has happened plenty of times. So far, I am proud of the example that I try to lead, especially in public, and I have no regrets or convictions for having a sober, laughing, good time, with other pregnant friends :).

I dont want anyone to defend their stand.In fact, I dont really care to have your comments on this rant. I am telling you what standards I set myself to and each person has their own, I do not choose to judge or talk about your standards unless I think it is doing you regrettable and dangerous physical and/or spiritual harm. (and even then, I do not publicly talk to you or about you. I would privately ask to speak to you… I really have only done this once in my life because I believe in personal conviction, not being in someones business)

Now, moving on,

in baby news-

Our little bundle of amazingness- is now 1 pound 12 oz. She is 13 inches long. She loves chocolate still (I have cut down on coke-a-cola , I dont remember the last time I had one).  In 2 and a half weeks I go back to my regular OB for my glucose test. Ill be 29 weeks (oh my goodness).  I am soooo NOT excited about that glucose test, I almost threw up last time. THEN- that same night after that morning glucose appointment and work, I have my 4D ultrasound- YAY YAY YAY!!!! I cant wait! THEN- I see my maternal fetal medicine specialist the next week and from there on I have an appointment EVERY WEEK so Ill see MFM one week and my OB the next. I can slightly see the end of the tunnel! I am so close to my 3rd trimester and it will really fly with all of these doctor appointments approaching. I am so excited! I am getting horrendously big and the baby is growing… as long as this baby is a-ok, I am thrilled. Not too long to go now.