32 weeks

The last 2 days have been extremely hard. I have cried a lot.

We moved, the house is a mess, I can’t bend over to pick things up, I cant lift, I cant arrange the furniture how I want it, and it is beyond quiet because we dont have cable or anything, (oh, and… Aida is not here yet because we still have to get her cleaned before we bring her over).

Then… Steven is ALWAYS working. Thank goodness. It just makes me extremely lonely sitting in this quiet dark house for 16 hours a day while he is working. He does not get weekends off, he does not get full days off, he’s simply on call all the time. Thats the joy of working for yourself. He was ‘tired’ from work and moving things over to the house that he hasnt wanted to do much but he’s going out to a a park this weekend with the guys (and one of the guys obsessed girlfriend who cant leave the poor man alone to have a guy date). I am not going because there is no bathrooms or running water and at 32 weeks I will not squat in the trees, I can barely move. He will be gone camping for the whole weekend… so here I am… bored.. alone… its just so stinking lonely to have no one to talk to all day. At least if Aida was here she would listen to me.

Thats another story I get all anxious and angry because every day that passes I am able to move less which means the longer steven waits to re-arrange the furniture that was just thrown in the house, and get aida in the house (shes too big and hairy for my car, he has to lift her into his truck) to train her how to deal with the baby- the less time I will be able to clean and actually take care of things before the baby gets here. I dont want the house looking like this but I feel so unable to do anything till he ‘has time’ to help.

I went to the specialist on Monday- everything looked fine but my blood pressure has it’s spurts of being on the high side. He did say that the baby is slightly large :(. Then I went to my OB on Thursday and they did a non stress test, which they will do every week now. I had 2 contractions in 20 minutes that I could feel, 1 being almost off of the gridded chart. He said if I have more than 6 in a day then I have to drink 5 glasses of water and if they continue within the hour I have to be seen to stop them…. I have since noticed that I have about 2-3 a day. Im 32 weeks… I just want to make it to 37 and Ill be all game to go then.

Im getting prepartum depression… just feeling really awful physically and emotionally. I guess Im just so used to being around someone that being around NO ONE has made me want to pull my hair out

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