Give me a break

Oh my goodness its been forever. I just dont have time anymore.

short synopsis. 

So much is going on. Brea will be 8 weeks tomorrow. shes following me with her eyes now and realizes when I give her to someone else that it is not her mommy.

Mom is going through chemo and radiation (on her back). She actually is scheduled to get a port Monday before they continue because they cant find her veins. 

I am an emotional wreck because I start school in May, this is my dream, to finally finish! But I have a few obstacles still. My boss put me on FMLA whenever I left of course, well now she wont give me my hours back. She hired 2 new PRN people while I was gone and is giving them 40 hours a week but wont give me more than 20 and Im an actual status paid/benefits employee???!!! I have cried alot because Im not even making enough to put Brea in the cheapest daycare in town for half of a month. I need daycare Monday through Friday so I can go to school, so I can make more money, so I can have a better future for us. Its not worth it to work for 50$ a week…. I am so stressed, we planned Brea, knowing- after I had talked to my boss- that I would get my full time hours back- but now shes going back on her word and there is no one higher up to talk to. I NEED to go to school. I HAVE to go, all I have left is 16 months. 

Kick me while Im down. Why, why does all this crap happen to me when Im at my lowest point. Struggling to breathe, to just stay alive. 

Im not struggling with normal depression Im struggling with being stomped on 10 times in 1 month. 

Baby, moms cancer, no money, no hours at work, no daycare, almost no school, fighting with steven, desperate to get people aware and interested in leiomyosarcoma and they dont care because theyve never heard of it, exhausted, broke, alone, not getting anywhere…..

The only thing that keeps me alive, literally, is this person right here… Otherwise, I have often thought in the last month that I would rather go home to see my Seth. 


One response to “Give me a break

  1. lyndellmaree

    She is so gorgeous. I have been wondering how it all has been going for you. I know it’s hard, but don’t forget to soak her all up – it seems they grow up so fast!

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