I know that I just blogged yesterday but was moved to tears tonight and still am and I need to write this down so I can remember forever.
After an exhausting day I came home from a late day at school and went straight to pick Brea up from daycare. She was ok as long as I was holding her but tonight she did not want to eat dinner or drink anything, She just whined and whined. I almost pulled my hair out and started to cry a little when I put her to bed because she wouldn’t stop. Brea almost always goes straight to sleep when I put her in bed, she never cries for more than a minute or two. after 20 minutes I finally went into her room and did something I have only done about twice since she was born. I rocked her in the rocking chair.
The last time I had to do this she could barely lift her head.
I think she knew that I needed her tonight. As annoyed as I felt when I first walked in the room, it all went away when she lifted her arms up and gripped me with all of her life as I picked her up out of the crib. I sat down and rocked away in the chair and she just hummed and rubbed her hand against my arm like she was petting me. When she settled down enough she stopped making noise and just sighed with relief. She was laying on one arm but she pulled it out from underneath her and wrapped bother of her arms around me, as wide as they would stretch. She hugged me so tight and did not let go.Then she lifted her head and stared at me with her giant eyes and smiled and laid her head back down on my chest. She can barely talk but she told me she loved me without having to say it out loud. My beautiful baby already has a heart. She knew I had a long day. She just patted her hand against my chest as I cried a little bit. I have never experienced a moment like this before. A moment where neither of us had an agenda but to love each other. I didnt want it to end. My sweet baby girl is almost one year old and tonight we just needed each other. She didnt fall asleep but she was content when I laid her back in bed. She laid her head down, grabbed her blanky, and waved bye bye to me.
Wow, I cant explain how special that was. My baby doll is always waving her arms at me to tell me that she is too big to be held like a baby but tonight she let me do it for a long time and she just loved on me without saying a word or batting at me.
Special. There is no other words.
This is the exact, EXACT dream I had of Seth. Maybe that is why my heart is pouring out. I literally could close my eyes and see him right there, that same situation with him was all I have dreamed about for a long time. Just holding him so he would know that mamma really did want to take away all of the pain. To let him just rest while mamma makes it all better.
Thank God for my little angels.