I can tell that the end of this pregnancy is drawing near. These symotoms that I have been having were the last things I felt before I gave birth to Seth.
– hard time sleeping, every joint aches (mostly hands and shoulders), when I walk I can feel my hips pop in and out (I literally feel them growing outwards), high blood pressure, lots of potty time, all day headaches, and severe nightly heartburn. *Phew, did that cover everything?
It does not bother me as much this time around because I know that it is normal and I know that I dont have to deal with it much longer. Except, … the blood pressure issue. Who knows why I have such high blood pressure, no one can figure it out. I am (normally) a normal weight, young, non-smoking, lots of walking -girl. They have done kidney scans, urine tests, protein tests, heart tests… nothing shows up. I switched from an automatic wrist cuff to a manual blood pressure cuff and there is a dramatic difference. The automatic cuff was not getting a proper reading. Last night when I checked it, I had just been sitting on the couch for about an hour doing nothing and it was 180/100 !???? Then, I waited a few minutes and asked Steven to take it to make sure I wasnt being crazy and it was 170/90!? Thats just scary. If my bp is that high when Im just sitting here, Im sure that it will be very high in delivery and I dont want to have to do a c-section only because its obviously scary. I can almost guarantee that they will put me back on procardia to lower my bp so I dont get pre-eclampsia or have a stroke or something. Im just so scared. After hearing that Seth probably died from a medicine that the last midwife gave me- I am TERRIFIED to take ANYTHING!
So anyways, as my headaches incur, I will try not to think about my blood pressure, moving, or anything for that matter because I am sooo close to the end and I will not let anyone screw this up!
Gonna try to take my pressure again, sleep this headache away, and wait for a phone call from my husband on whether or not we can move some small things over like pots and pans today to the new house.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Infant loss, Pregnancy
Tagged anxiety, Blood pressure, Conditions and Diseases, family, health, Hypertension, Infant Loss, Medicine, Pre-eclampsia, Pregnancy
So today starts a VERY long 10 weeks. Yesterday when I went to my perinatologist they did an ultrasound and the tech said that everything was looking good. the baby still had her head enveloped and smooshed against my placenta lol, but at least she is head down again. She was 3 lbs 5 oz and 15.9 in long. I will be 30 weeks in a couple of days. Im excited but now Im very nervous because they told me that my blood pressure has slowly been rising in my logs and that they think it is best for me to not continue working. They are specialists, this is their job to make me and the baby stay healthy… but its hard to accept. So starting today Im not working until after delivery. I cried last night before bed, I cried when I woke up today, and I cried when Steven called me. Financially it is scary (I took out short term disability hoping to use it for the baby but now, if I even get accepted, it will be all used up by the time the baby gets here). What is keeping me sane is the fact that this is my favorite season, my daughter is on her way, and I have a ton of cleaning and preparing to do. What is driving me crazy is, now I have to limit my baby spending, which is my favorite thing to do- baby shop.
Sometime this week I have to complete yet ANOTHER 24 hour urine test to look at my kidney’s and the effect my blood pressure is having on my body (that sucks). Everything is going to be all smooshed into weekly slots now because I see my specialist every Monday and my OB every Thursday until the end.
So I guess the point of me staying home is to lessen my anxiety and my blood pressure so I will try to do my hypnobirthing a little bit every day and keep calm. In 4 weeks, it will be the the same amount of weeks in which I lost Seth. That is going to be hard to cope with. Tip-toeing past every day from that point, wondering if we’re going to make it.
I feel so guilty for not working because Im not sick, Im just pregnant with high blood pressure. I hope my husband does not feel burdened but I hope too that work continues to pile up for him. He loves to work. He told me the other day that he is glad that work has picked up because it makes him feel like a man and he is glad to be busy. I pray that he gets a full 40 hours of work every week through the end of this medical leave I have to take.
There are jobs I can try to get at the hospital like sitting jobs (sitting with the elderly and baker acts) but if I am being paid by my employer then I am not on FMLA like my specialist requested and they can refuse treatment and my insurance can refuse payment. :(….
I just feel like poop not doing anything productive but I promise to keep up with the housework, finish all of the baby projects I started, and take good care of myself daily now. This will eventually end and I will eventually have my job to go back to, Thank the Lord.
Its almost November :-O…. oh my word, this baby will be here soon.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Holidays, Infant loss, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged anxiety, baby, Blood pressure, child, Children, daughter, fall, family, health, Holidays, Home, husband, Hypertension, Infant Loss, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, seasons, son, Stillbirth, stillborn, Work
I should not freak myself out but… I went to the Doctor’s yesterday. He said my thyroid was fine and my clotting factors were fine- but my liver enzymes were elevated, enough that he is concerned and wants me to have some tests done. Hes ordering another kidney test, some further liver tests, an echo cardiogram,EKG, and a duplex renal ultrasound. I think hes worried that it may be something with my kidneys, but I am terrified that something is wrong with my liver. I forgot to tell him that Ive been itching like crazy cause for a period of time it was gone and the last few days its picked up again. so anyways, in like 2 weeks Im gonna see him again but from what I think, itching and liver go together and I dont think it sounds good. Its so stressful, Im 20 and I dont drink or smoke or do any of that junk! He said my blood pressure was still high enough to be concerned about so he put me on some blood pressure medicine which he said hes not happy about because its not normal for a 20 year old thin woman to be on it.
Oh my word it just freaks me out. Its a good thing I I work in the EKG dept cause Ill just do my own EKG and Ill get one of the girls from next door in echo to do my echo. and my renal scan is scheduled for Monday…
UGH, I thought the blood work would be a sigh of relief but it just led to more tests and I just want to cry thinking about it.
Posted in anxiety, Health, Work
Tagged afraid, anxiety, Blood pressure, Conditions and Diseases, doctor, echo, echocardiogram, EKG, elevated liver enzymes, health, heart, hospital, itching, Kidney, Liver, liver enzymes, Medical ultrasonography, renal ultrasound, scared, ultrasound, Work, worried
They were so nice Im very happy that everyone in the office took time to talk to me.
The doctor said to start with, I need to
1. loose 20 lbs. (ugh that sounds so hard, I dont even know what to do)
2. do cardio exercise every day
3. take a vitamin and 1mg of folic acid
4. keep track of my blood pressure.
He said Im too young to be having high blood pressure like I’ve had. He thinks I might have kidney problems like renal stenosis and/or thyroid problems so I have to go get a bunch of blood taken and pee in a bucket for a day (and keep in in an ice bucket) so he can look at all the labs. Im honestly terrified that the results will come back with something scary.
We discussed basically getting in shape, my weird problems, and stevens heart problem. The doctor was concerned about his bicuspid aortic valve and told me that he needs to see a cardiologist since he has not been seeing a doctor.
So anyways, I go back on valentines day for my next appt.
In other news, we were supposed to go on vacation and now…. well now we have all of these unexpected bills from a problem that my husband ran into and i dont think well have money to go now… UGH SO ANGRY. I WANT TO GET AWAY. I just want to cry cause I cant stand it, I need a break. We havnt gone on vacation since our honeymoon almost 2 years ago, and all we did then was take 3 days off and go fishing.
so … thats it for today. I have tomorrow off. I need to crochet, do schoolwork, lose weight, and chillax cause I feel like Im gonna pass out from all this junk.
Ok, its 10 PM… I did my first day of P90X to lose some weight, it was a work out of 1hr. and 15 min. Worked on Chest, back, and abs…. BUT my whole body feels like its going to snap in half lol… WOW I did not realize how NOT in shape I was. This is going to be hard but I have to lose the weight so here it goes. Glad I got through the first of 90 days of pure craziness!
Posted in Health, Infant loss, MTHFR, stillbirth, stillborn, Uncategorized, Vacation, Work
Tagged abs, back, Bicuspid aortic valve, Blood pressure, chest, doctor, exercise, folic acid, Heart disease, Hypertension, P90X, Renal artery stenosis, vacation, Weight loss, work out
So Im feeling pretty bad right now. Really bad headache. Dizzy…. Ive been having high blood pressure, who knows why, Im not old and Im not overweight. Maybe stress but even when I really do feel really calm, I still have high blood pressure. idk, if Steven comes home and I still feel bad I might go to convinient care to get it checked out. I have a Maternal Fetal Medicine appt. on Monday to do bloodwork and talk to me about what I have I guess.. Idk what really is going to happen lol.
So last Sunday Steven and I took the dogs out to a park… and THIS is why I LOVE where I live and couldnt move away, Im a nature girl all the way.
Ugh it was beautiful and the dogs LOVED it! They swam, (as we watched very closely for alligators) They ran all over, and of course loved the wind in their faces on the buggy. It was beautiful. There were cows and deer and birds and yes, alligators.
Then Tuesday I went to joanns to buy some yarn to make some baby hats cause we started a group at church to make things for people in hospitals, stillbirths, homeless, etc. and while standing in line, I heard this music. It became louder and louder. I stepped out of line like a crazy woman and walked towards the music. It was soft and familiar. *Flashbacks*. Hospital, contractions, push, baby, family, cry, wheelchaired to car empty handed….. It was the same music I had steven’s parents bring from home to play for me while I was in labor. Steven religously played it for me over and over till I asked him to turn it off (long after he was sick of it). It caught me. Out of no where, completely triggered every smell, sound, touch, and thought of that day. I didnt cry. But I wandered back toward the checkout line silently, staring at the ground.
Here are the hats Ive made so far, the yellow is more of a child size and the pink is a preemie hat.
We went on the boat yesterday. Steven saw a manatee, of course I didnt lol. It was nice out.
I have to work this weekend so lots of homework, a little crocheting. Next month I have off school cause I dont have any classes scheduled (YAY). I hope to do a lot of crocheting. It would be SO much fun to open an ETSY shop! :D.
❤ anyways, my head hurts,Im gonna go for now.
Posted in crochet, Dogs, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, School, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged Blood pressure, crochet, crocheting, Death, dizzy, doctor, dog, dogs, family, flashbacks, friends, hat, Headache, health, hobbies, Hypertension, Infant Loss, nature, Stillbirth, stillborn, Work