And they’re off…. another looong week. Man, I didnt think it would be hard but now Im starting to think, I wont see my husband for another 6 nights. Im so thankful that they have work but so sad that I am emotionally hormonal and will have to deal with these goodbyes for a whole year. I must say, this week- it will be good for me because I need to study because I have 2 quizzez, a final, a paper, and 2 homework assignments all to get done between Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday before I say goodbye to this crazy class! So maybe this week wont be so bad if I dont procrastinate and finish out strong.
I just pray that the boys are safe and they come home soon. I miss them already and they probably left about ten minutes ago.
ok, enough procrastinating, I need to write my paper.
Im so exhausted I cant wait till this class is over, Im like a zombie forcing myself to get up and do things. I work 2-10 so this morning , in like 20 minutes, Im supposed to meet some girls from school to study. I am just sick to my stomache about this class. I have had hives all week that come and go. I NEED to pass, I cant do this to myself AGAIN for another month. UGHH. The teachers attitude is the worst part, he dosnt put my grades in, accuses me of turning my stuff in late, cheating, and being stupid…… ????? I am an ALL friggin A student, seriously, you think I would try to fail this class on purpose???? Hes so stupid and he does not know how to talk to people at all, its like his brain is programmed and if you throw him a question he panics because he got off track of his lecture… hes so rediculous. I have 2 quizzez, 1 final, 1 paper, and 3 homework assignments left before this class ends next Thursday and I just want to lay in bed and cry. I HAVE to pass this. I dont want to stress the baby out for another month, that is my MAIN concern.
Dear Jesus, PLEASE- all I need is a 70 to pass this class. You know my needs and anxiety level, I cannot do this again, get me through and help me remember and apply all that I have learned (taught myself)!
Stay safe rainbow.
I think I did well on my physics midterm!Ill find out this morning, if I ever get there. i have 20 minutes till I have to leave and I cant get up, UGH. I am trying so hard to eat but Im just pushing my food around like a child. Im starving but the smell and taste of anything, I gag at just seeing it. I have been just looking at my food crying for ten minutes. sooo hungry.
Im glad I have today off, although I have to clean, grocery shop, and study…. at least I can do it on my own time after school today cause I just feel like throwing up all over.
Stay Safe Rainbow.
P.S.- I took in all of the boxes, blankets and hats that we made for the hospital stillbirths and the nurses loved them they were so greatful. They said that everyone forgets about their mom and baby unit (at the hospital I work at) because most people send their donations to the childrens hospital in town. It felt so good to do something good and the nurses were beyond excited, their faces lit up and she kept saying, you dont know what it means to these women to have these. To avoid my crying hormones, I smiled and said, … I know. and turned around and walked away as they scrummaged through their goodies. Thank God for such a compassionate heart.
Posted in Cause for Action, crochet, death, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, School, stillbirth, stillborn
Tagged babies, baby, charity, child, Children, crochet, crochet for a cause, Death, donations, Education, family, giving, health, Home, Infant Loss, Morning sickness, Mother, Parenting, physics, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, school, Senses, Smell and Taste, stillbirths, stillborn
… Those days when your heart feels like mush…. today. I have a good friend who had a baby today. and a cousin who had a baby a couple of days ago.. of course its everywhere. Im happy for them, but Im not happy for me. Its especially hard when the friend who had a baby (who is at the same hospital that you work at) isnt that close with you anymore but of course wants to share pictures and whatever- that can just bring on more anger. I just feel slightly defeated. I have to get over it. Im not angry/mad/throwing a fit… just, … sad.
Ive been crocheting my brains out to make myself feel better, heres what I got… all baby/ photo prop items. (my next project is a purse).
yeah so… thats about it.
I start physics in exactly one week and Im a nervous wreck
my thoughts are…..
*How am I going to handle 9-1 school/2-10 work, and fit homework in? How am I going to get through a whole physics text book in 1 month and actually understand it? How am I going to have time for myself or my husband or cleaning or cooking…? How am I going to sleep?
I know I just have to do it, just really scary, its the hardest class and the dean has already spoken to us and told us, 1/4 of each physics class fails every month. AGHHH :(. I dont want to fail cause this class cost me about $2000. :O
Until them, Im going to keep crocheting. and trying to mentally prepare myself.
Posted in anxiety, crochet, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, School, Work
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, bag, Children, crochet, crocheting, Education, friend, friends, health, hobbies, homework, hospital, pattern, patterns, photo props, photography, photography props, physics, purse, school, Work