Tag Archives: mother-father gene

Tell the world

Ok so today is another random post filled with all of my messy thoughts into one giant .. thing :).

[ONE GIANT PARENTHESIS]

Its hard to see but my baby sister is going to college! I’m so proud of her. She is working so hard and doing so well. I cant believe that it is time and she is all grown up. I want to cry lol. Congratulations Courtney! You are beautiful and funny and fantastic and you will succeed. You will do good things. You will be just fine :).

[ONE GIANT PARENTHESIS]

Lets start with the most important of all. My mom sent me this video. Its just amazing.

I cant seem to get the video to post 😦 but here is the link.

http://www.jesus-loves-you.org/?p=1913&utm_source=jly&utm_medium=fb&utm_term=video&utm_content=FiresOfHell&utm_campaign=11-2-11_9am

This is amazing. God gives you a second chance- TAKE IT! I just cant believe how real it all is. Life is just a vapor. Do we really sit and squander over such simple things, why? This woman’s story reminded me of the passage in the Bible from Luke 16:19-31:

19 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ 25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’ 27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ 29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ 30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ 31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ 

Holy smokes- I want to tell the world! Follow Him, He’s sweet and tender and gives everlasting peace. Why would you not want to try Jesus out? The world often reminds me of the girl who has a sweet gentle man who asks her out and she continually says “no, were better off as friends” while she turns to the man who beats her, belittles her, and treats her of no value.

I also want to tell the world- THERE IS HOPE, lol. Thanks to a bloggers comment I have been researching MTHFR polymorphism even more. What is most exciting is that the pieces are coming together and it all makes sense. The migraines, the “mini-strokes” as a child that the doctors deemed “anxiety”, the severe anxiety and tint of depression, the mood swings, the fuzziness, the cramps, the midwife telling me my folic acid was low at my last appointment in which Seth was still alive (hoping I would get the hint), the cord blood clot- IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

Its this little guy right here  ^. World, meet methylfolate.  MTHFR is the enzyme needed to process folate (also called folic acid, a B vitamin found in many vegetables, grains and supplements) and allows it into the brain. Folate in the brain is the necessary building block for many neurotransmitters (including serotonin), which helps regulate our MOODS! My body is not getting regular folic acid from food. I need it in it’s active form folate. My body cannot function up to par like the rest of yours out there because this one piece is missing. This piece can prevent psychiatric disorders, heart disease, and other blood disorders. AMAZING. CAN I TELL THE WORLD? By taking folate and asprin I may be able to carry a baby full term if it’s God’s will! WHOA! I know there are risks to everything but Seth gave me the gift of finding out about this disorder so I can start helping myself live healthier now. Whether I’m pregnant or not, its good for my brain. If you could not take in water but you knew you needed it so you found a way to take it when you were pregnant, would you only take it when you were pregnant?- NO, you would take it every day because its essential and you cant life without it! Same with this for me. There is a reason God made this little Folate enzyme- so that it will work where its supposed to! So I went and bought this

Ada’s only had 4 bottles and the lady said this is the first time shes ever seen it there, they must have just gotten it in (for me :D).

Heres some info on the importance of MTHFR

 and here is the nutrition label.

ANYWAYS- I think its amazing that I MAY feel better because of this, I cant wait to try it out.

Next on my list of things to do today was go to the cemetery and visit with my son.

It was a beautiful day. Nice and warm but a gentle breeze, enough to keep me from being too hot. I cant help but notice the big green tents that are set up for grave site services. Every time I go in I count. Today there were 2. One was across the way from Seth’s grave.

I sat on the ground next to Seth’s grave and prayed for the family. I just sat there. I let the breeze blow in my face. I looked at the sun. I listened to the mowing, the cars driving by, the birds chirping. It was a beautiful day. Seth’s grave is starting to set in and sink some…. I can’t wait till his headstone comes. Its so barren and I don’t like it. I want to have flowers or something, anything. It should be here in a month or two.


In this last photo, you can see, right in the middle crevice of that tree there is a little tiny baby tree growing from the middle. Hmm, so sweet. This big momma tree right next to Seth’s grave was holding her little baby tree.  That wasn’t there before. [I know because I admire and sit next to and stare at that tree every time I visit.]

When I got home I tried to play with the dogs.. Aida just has too much energy. For those of you who havnt met my beautiful BABY – 1 year old Aida- here she is 🙂

She is the biggest most beautiful 1 year old blue eyed baby a momma could ever ask for! BUT – seriously, she has ADHD, she cannot sit still for anything. I could not get any pictures cause she was runing around like a crazy thing out there.

I would pay the best photographer to get 3 good shots out of this hyper polar bear! lol, She was just every where and she looks like a retard in all of her pictures <3.

Then there is Taz, the old grumpy man that doesn’t want Aida to mess with him hehe…

These two are so funny to watch together.

So that is the story of my life. And with 0 dollars in my bank account, I will now go cook what is left in the fridge so I don’t have to buy food at work for the rest of the week. Wish me luck. I SUCK at cooking.

Advertisements

Press On

Today was just another beautiful day. I did not sleep well last night, I guess its cause Steven was not here. I’m not used to sleeping alone anymore but now that work is back on track for him, its back to the routine of being alone again week after week.

Work was interesting… I had a few hard moments today.

1) in the elevator a transporter asked me how the baby was… I replied “he passed away”. He said, “You had him and he passed away”… “Yes”, I said. This look of complete horror filled his face and as he spit out the words “I’m sorry” I ran out of the elevator as soon as it opened.

What do you say to people? “Oh its OK…”…. No it’s not, I’m not going to say that. I’m tired of telling people that it’s OK and trying to comfort them for feeling stupid for asking. I know he didn’t know but why should I have to comfort you for bringing it up…

2) I walked to the ER to help the other tech down there and as I stood at the plug in where my machine was and booted it up, a tiny baby was crying right behind me. The mom was lulling the baby in her arms and baby talking. I wanted to turn around and yell at her to go to her room and close the door instead of walking around the halls like an idiot, traumatizing me. Of course I just sat there with my mouth closed and once the machine booted up and unplugged it and walked away.

I guess those were the only two times… If there were more they weren’t traumatizing enough for me to remember to write about it tonight.

I walked by these old men tonight in the lobby when I was going to check a machine on the other side of the hospital. There are three of them that sit there every night and do a Bible study with there giant old man print Bibles and big concordances. They are adorable and they are not ashamed. I love it. I sometimes walk out towards the lobby just to see them. They don’t know that I sit from afar and admire them. I know it sounds creepy but you just don’t see unashamed faith like that anymore. I was going to take a picture of them to include in this blog- but that would have been even more creepier :).

As you can see, the pencils are pointing to what was done (the left) and what needed to be done (the right)… *sigh… I was the only one who edited on top of doing actual EKG’s( and homework and reading, lol) so that little stack on the left was A LOT, it took me well over two hours to do that and when I got done, I was not doing any more by myself. I’ll have to pick up where I left off on Thursday when I go in.

This was my homework I actually did a little bit of today. (The left side green stuff is for this week… LOTS of reading)

Here is the book I’m reading. It’s so beautiful. I will definitely write about it once I am done with it. Angie talks about the story of Lazarus from Mary and Martha’s perspective and it is such an eye opener on how I deal with the death of Seth.

OK… here’s some hospital advice. I don’t know about other hospitals but for ours, if you are new -you wear a green tagged name badge for your first 90 days so people know that you are new without you having to wear a giant pin that says “HI I’M NEW” in the hospital, nothing freaks a patient out more than telling them that.  I’ve been wearing my badge since June so I was due for a new one at the end of August but no one knew where to find a clear badge. It’s honestly kind of nice wearing the new badge because it’s an excuse for everything :). Today one of the echo techs came in the office and I asked him if he had any clear badges and to my lovely surprise- he pulled out like fifty and gave me one for my name badge :D.

Pretty sad… the highlight of my day was getting this clear badge lol.

When I went home the sky was beautiful…

Ok, so it looks better in person lol.

I am sad. I have tomorrow off work but that means that I work for like the next 9 days straight, Ugh I wont get to see Steven at all when he’s home this weekend. We need his income bad but I hate that he works out of town. I want to be with him so bad.

I got married so young but I am super attached now and its hard. I feel like I can’t do anything without him. Its good and bad. Good that our relationship is that good, bad that I have anxiety because I have to go grocery shopping by myself and actually have to make decisions lol. It kind of stinks, working away makes things harder to have babies, not that Steven wants to yet … but I do… I need to see a doctor first anyways, and take L-methylfolate, and asprin (daily, for a long time pre-pregnancy). UGH, what fun is pregnancy when you really have to plan it out and be all nervous. Oh well, I guess I have a while to think since Steven’s no where near ready to try again 😥

How did I seriously write a blog this long about nothing???

The answer

My midwife called me with the results of the blood tests. Seth had a blood clot in his cord. I have MTHFR (the mother-father gene) or (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase). This gene causes blood clots, misscaraiges, strokes, heart disease…

This MTHFR gene does not allow amino acids to convert into other amino acids and eventually leads to important protiens not being able to be made. Its amazing that Seth made it to the size that he did before he passed away. Ussually babies of mothers who have MTHFR die in early weeks as an early misscariage.

There are many risks to having more babies. They could get a clot again, I could misscarry before I even get to far, they could be born with spina bifida, autism, (any type of neural defects). I am praying for my next pregnancy in the future to be healthy. My family has had a lot of healthy pregnancies. Theres no reason for me to surpass those risks with the treatments there are today.

I was told when I am ready to have a baby again that I need to have a “pre-pregnancy consultation” to make sure Im taking high doses of folic acid before I get pregnant. I will need to take asprin and possibly other blood thinners or extra B vitamins.

Its a 50/50 chance. Its terrifying. To know that my next pregnancy will be lived out in total fear= TERRIFYING. I was sick to my stomach all day waiting for a phone call. Im glad to know that we have the chance to take precautions for the next one but its so scary to know that I could possibly have multiple losses. As much as I dont want Seth to be alone up there, he has Jesus, I dont want to send him more brothers and sisters for my sanity’s sake.

I could or could not have problems having more children. my midwife told me “each pregnancy is a risk and you must be prepared for what might happen”.

Yes Im a little angry. So many people spit out kids with no problems and I have a genetic disorder that could stop my babie’s developement at any time that it decides to silently attack. I will be worried until the last minute of my next pregnancy. I would probably be happy to induce at the moment my doctor says im ready. Its scary, I dont want to hurt any of my children.

Now I know… Life is short. I am different.