Its Friday (and 14 weeks) thank God!!! Now I just have to get to work and finish out at 10pm lol. Tonight I have the ER :/… I am happy about staying busy, not happy about being on my feet all night. I was on my feet a lot last night and when I came home my legs were swollen and throbbing (but my blood pressure is fine, its even just a tad tad low) and when I woke up at 5 AM to use the potty they were still throbbing. Oh… and of course the headaches are in full swing now. I thought I was getting away with no headaches with this pregnancy. I remember telling someone during my last pregnancy- These headaches last all day and nothing helps them, its just a 24/7 thing.
Anywho… next month we get to find out what the little one is (as in gender lol, not alien vs. human). Exciting…
This weekend I think Steven is going out with a friend, he invited me and I want to go but I think Ill let him have some man time. Maybe Ill stay home and finish sewing the dress that I started so I can wear it on Sunday 🙂 and then maybe make an apron (that Ill never cook with lol) because I have nothing else to do… of course I will do all of that after I clean hehe.
okay, Im just delaying getting ready because I am lazy so I must go.
Stay safe rainbow.
Posted in Family, Friends, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, sewing, Work
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, date night, dates, family, friends, Headache, hobbies, pain, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, Sewing, Work
Ok, I think I am just getting used to the pain. The throbbing, the feeling of my head exploding, it is becoming normal. I have been temporarily deaf though for a few days. I cannot hear anything unless you are YELLING in my ear. Its hard to work like that.
I work in the hospital, and in the ER every other day so I stopped a doctor in the ER and asked if he would look at my ears. He said well, both ears are badly infected and those are the worst ears I have ever seen, they look like s—….. Then he proceeded to say, Im a little worried that you have a malignant condition, let me look up some medication that you are aloud to have. He found some ear drops that were different from the ones Im taking and told me “please go see an ear doctor after this is cleared up or if its not starting to feel better in 5 days”…
That makes me worry. I have always had bad ear problems but I never thought it was tumorous or cancerous. Ive had so many weird problems with this pregnancy its making me very scared. Im trying to keep my thoughts positive. I have my hypnobirthing material at my moms house, I just have to go get it now, maybe that will soothe me.
So anyways, Im praying that this new medicine that the ER doctor suggested started kicking in, clears things up and all will be well at the ear doctor, because I will go after this infection clears a little.
Ive been thinking a lot about my rainbow baby. I am desperate to feel kicks and start experiencing the baby. I am 12 weeks and my throwing up has subsided. I dont know if that is because Ive been in so much pain I havnt even considered throwing up or if the morning sickness is actually gone. Last time it did not leave till about 25 weeks or so.
Im a little worried. I know Tylenol is safe for pregnancy but Im still worried. I took it around the clock for two days and now I am forcing myself only to take it at night when I go to bed.
Steven has been, of course tired of me.
Sometimes I feel so guilty. I feel like I dont care about anyone but myself. Maybe I wont be a good mom or wife. Did God take Seth away because of my attitude?
I just hope the baby is ok, I dont feel pregnant anymore. Ive lost so much weight this week that my bump is completely gone now and not being sick dosnt make me feel any better about the baby.
I have a specialist appointment on the third and then my ob appointment the next week on the 12th of July. As far as I know, they will both do ultrasounds. I cant wait till this next one cause Ive just been worried with how Im feeling. I did call my OB yesterday and they sounded very sympathetic for my pain but very unconcerned. She said to just drink soups and take the ear drops that the ER doctor told me to take.
Im hungry… gonna start getting ready for work, wish me luck, I feel stupid when I cant hear my patients or other nurses that are in the room.
Stay safe rainbow.
Posted in Family, Health, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Steven, my love, Work
Tagged doctor, doctors, Ear, ear ache, Ear Infection, Emergency Room, ER, family, health, hospital, husband, Morning sickness, pain, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, Tylenol, Work
Seriously God, Why me? Im so angry. I had a doctors appointment today and because of the stupid storm the office has no power. I was so looking forward to this appointment because I am MISERABLE. My other ear is now beginning to ache and if I put ear drops in that ear I will lose all hearing which means I cant work for the rest of the week (bye bye baby’s PTO time). My ear that has the bad infection is not even 1% better. I stayed up all night crying, there is so much pressure in my neck, throat, ear, cheek, and forhead, I feel like my face is going to explode.
My husband is sick of me being sick and he’s not being so nice anymore. I honestly want to go to the hospital and stay there to make sure baby is ok. Ive lost 4 pounds in 3 days because my jaw is locked up and I cant eat. But people in the ER will look at me like im crazy cause im there with an ear infection, unfortunately I know how it is cause I work there.
Why is this week turning into a giant pit hole? I am so desperate to feel better. I would stand on my head if it made me better.
Posted in Family, Health, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, doctor, Ear, Ear Infection, health, pain, rainbow baby
Im writing this to keep myself from killing myself lol… Ok that was a joke, dont start freaking out.
I totally have a non-pregnancy related ear infection. It has given me a fever and I feel like CRAP. My ear is throbbing, It hurts to talk or move my head in ANY way. Im not lying, this is worse pain than labor, IT IS! I cant open my mouth, I cant chew food, and I am in the worst pain I have ever been in. I feel so much pressure on the whole left side of my face, I feel like a baby is going to come out of my ear! I dont have any tylenol but either way my doctor told me not to take it cause my liver isnt exactly functioning all that great. I just want some pain relief.
Steven has been SOO good to me today. He took me to the doctor, thank God convenient care is open on Sunday! Then he took me to get my prescription filled, tried to take me to eat, tucked me in when we got home, and applied a hot pack to my face every hour with my ear drops for a few hours. Im trying to stay up because I really want to sleep tonight, I didnt at all last night and I just need a break from some of the pain.
Oh dear Lord, get this infection out of my ear, I cant do anything but lay here and cry.
Posted in Family, Health, Steven, my love
Tagged doctor, Ear, Ear Infection, family, health, help, husband, Infection, love, pain
Steven and I went kayaking Sunday. It was beautiful. We spent 4 hours on the water (and thank God, we didnt seen any alligators, cause we were in salt water). Well… Steven’s boat started sinking (his drain plug fell out) so we got out and a shallow spot, it happened to be an oyster bed and my flip flop came off with the current and I stepped on the oysters- its like shards of glass going into your foot. It was the worst pain Ive ever had of stepping on something. I called off work because it is IMPOSSIBLE to walk, it sucks and its awful!
In other news, My momma got engaged today! After 15 long years since my daddy passed away I am thankful that my mom will not be alone anymore. Im happy for her and Adam!
Things have just been stressful lately between school, work, money, and my own sanity. Everything reminds me of Seth lately. The men going to work early in the morning. It reminds me of summer when Steven would leave for a week at a time and he’d kiss my tummy goodbye and be so excited when he came home to see how much I grew that week. The weather. Its getting warm here in Florida. Another reminder of last March when I found out I was pregnant and had serious hot flashes and sleep attacks. Life moving on is just a bad reminder. This month, March 25th, Seth would have been 6 months old. Oh my goodness, six months, wow! Imagine how big he would have been, how interactive he would have been. I miss him so much. Im so sad. I want another baby so bad. I just feel like I have nothing right now. Im thankful for all my goals with school and adulthood, it’s probably the only thing keeping me going that I wake up for. I miss my son. It hurts to see all of my friends babies growing up. My son could have been that big right now. Instead, Im sitting here crocheting, eating tuna out of a can cause im too lazy to cook or clean or stand, while my husband plays xbox all day.
Im scared to go into Seths baby room. We havnt touched it since a week before he died when we had the baby shower and set the whole room up. Im just scared Ill have a panic attack. I want to play with all of the little clothes and I want so bad to just put them on a baby and hold him or her. I just want to so bad.
Tomorrow we are painting memory boxes for the hospital at the crochet group. It hurts that these are going to more people, experiencing the same thing.
Posted in anxiety, crochet, death, Family, Friends, Health, Hobbies, Infant loss, Kayaking, Paddling, School, Seth, my baby, Steven, my love, stillbirth, stillborn, Work
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, Baby shower, Children, crochet, engaged, family, florida, God, Infant Loss, kayak, kayaking, lazy, memory box, mom, money, Oyster, oysters, paddling, pain, Pregnancy, pregnant, school, son, stilbirth, stillborn, Work