Today is my day off and Im happy about that of course. I am still beyond exhausted, eyes burning, and body limp but its ok.
I am spending today crocheting ( I have a couple of paid projets that I NEED to get done). I also need to make dinner (something I havnt done in like 6 months… sad).
Before I started I want to write about the pregnany of course. (I feel the need to write all of this down so I remember next time and dont feel crazy for feeling something.)
I have this excruciating pain on my right side that stretches around from my back to the top of my stomach. Sitting hurts, laying down hurts…. I guess its just a part of pregnancy and I’m not all that concerned about it but it reminds me exactly of what back labor felt like when I started to back labor with Seth (except this is not running down my leg). I have been having a lot of cramping in the last 3 days, and a lot of back pain. It does slightly scare me because my doctor said it could be a possibility that I go into early labor since it was only a year ago that I went into labor early with Seth and my uterus will do what it was used to experiencing. So now when I get cramps and back pain, my mind slightly panics because it brings back the exact feelings of labor last time.
Being pregnant for some women is easy (not easy with symptoms). Easy as in they have nothing to worry about their whole pregnancy so when they have things happen to them they just can assume that its normal pregnancy. I on the other hand think of all the things that could be going wrong, trying to keep in mind all of the signs that doctors have thrown at me.
I want to enjoy my pregnancy without having to keep track of ‘signs’. Keeping track of every little feeling makes for a much more stressful time. Dont take it for granted- the ease of getting pregnant, the ease of carrying a baby. The ease of having a healthy baby whenever you can.
Have a good day, going to get my crochet on.
Stay safe rainbow ❤
P.s.- this is a picture of a 20week baby in the womb (I’ll be 20 weeks in 2 days)…. I cant believe my little girl is so big !?
Posted in crochet, Family, Health, Hobbies, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby
Tagged babies, baby, Back pain, child, Childbirth, Children, Cramp, crochet, family, health, hobbies, Home, Pregnancy, rainbow baby, Reproductive Health
I am very grateful to be pregnant again but it stresses my body a lot. You forget sometimes the toll that comes along with pregnancy. Mentally for me it is a very big struggle to be pregnant and I have noticed it a lot in the last couple of days. My itching is so out of hand. My mind is racing all of the time and I cant think straight let alone talk, I cant get words to come out of my mouth, I am nervous and shaking all of the time, I just feel like a 2 year old who cant think for themselves. I know its a normal part of pregnancy but for me its the worst. I can deal with the physical symptoms that come with pregnancy but I have a very hard time dealing with the hormonal mental side of it. After this baby, it will be a very long time before we have another. Two years of being pregnant is enough, its just too much for my anxiety and mental state, it makes me feel like a nutcase.
My morning sickness has gone away and I have been trying to enjoy all of this but when one thing goes away (I should know), another symptom comes on.
Im just ready for some ways to get rid of my anxiety. Steven said he wants to take me somewhere every weekend, we can just pack up and drive till we find something fun to do. Thats nice but this weekend we are busy and next weekend I work. I just need a break… bad. I should have taken some time of work this month but Im trying to save all of my PTO for the baby. I only made 60 hours PTO in the last 4 months and I wanted to take 12 weeks off but it looks like I will only have a little over a month saved up by the time the baby is here.
Every day is more anxiety filled. I have terrible dreams, I am sore and emotional and just want to cry all of the time. My husband is a very stern and non-emotional man so I just feel like sometimes he walks away from me when Im feeling this way and thats when I need him the most. I understand, its how he deals with all of this. Every day I am one day closer to seeing my baby. But I am one day closer to a doctors appointment, a result, a hospital visit. Its just so scary not knowing whats going to happen and not to have that first time naive pregnancy feeling. I miss that, feeling invincible. Now I feel like a real adult because I feel like anything could hit me and end my life or the babies life at any moment. I know that is such negative thinking, I dont think that all of the time but it is what nature has bestowed upon me after I realized from Seth that nothing is impossible. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday so I hope that all goes well.
Cant wait for the weekend. I need to clean all day Saturday (ugh), and go to a wedding on Sunday.
Stay safe Rainbow.
Posted in anxiety, death, Family, Health, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, Work
Tagged anxiety, babies, baby, child, Children, Death, family, health, Hormone, hormones, Morning sickness, Pregnancy, Pregnancy and Birth, Reproductive Health, Work
So I need to just update quick because I still have a lot of studying to do and I have to leave for work in an hour….
I have a B average in physics, I hope it stays that way. I cried yesterday because I didnt get chapter three and then we went on to chapter 4. I am actually getting the hang of chapter 4 very well so all I need to do is STUDY STUDY STUDY ALL night long and maybe I can do well on my test tomorrow. I am praying, I DONT want to take this dumb class again with this STUPID teacher…
In baby news!!!! —->
I went to talk to my new OB yesterday. He is WONDERFUL!!! He listens, I dont feel rushed, He is kind and compassionate. He told me “losing a baby is a terrible experience and we will do everything we can to make this the best pregnancy possible”.- Now THAT is what I wanted to hear! lol. He said he sees no reason to put me on asprin or blood pressure meds because Im stable right now and he said I will have a TON more visits than a normal pregnancy and they will do a lot of testing on me including extra ultrasounds, blood tests, and a non-stress test in the third trimester. Hes very nice and reassuring that he will take care of me and he comes across as being interested in my pregnancy, not just my doctor getting me out of the office so he can go eat lunch.
Hes SOOO short lol, Hes like 4 foot tall and Im 5’8 so its funny standing next to him.
The office offers 4d ultrasounds with pictures and dvd’s and teddy bears with the baby’s heart beat in them… Its neat, they have a lot of options. These are things that I never did with Seth and It kind of stinks because I could have had a little piece to hold on to… It is VERY expensive though.
Im having my first ultrasound on May 22nd. Im praying with ALL of my might that there will be a good heartbeat. If I kept track of everything right, I SHOULD be 6 weeks and 4 days. SO- pray pray pray.
This is nerve wracking! I cant wait till this class is over cause Im gonna crochet my brains out to relax! wish me luck on staying up all night and studying, I NEED to pass this quiz.
Stay safe little rainbow.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, MTHFR, Pregnancy, Rainbow baby, School, Work
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, Clinics and Services, doctor, doctors, health, OB, OBGYN, physics, Pregnancy, prenatal, rainbow baby, Reproductive Health, school, test, testing, tests, ultrasound, United States, Work