Ever since I have joined this unwanted sorority of lost moms, I have found that stillbirth and misscarraige is happening every day, more than any of us wants it to. I have been invited to forums, blogs, facebook pages, faces of loss pen pal program, and other online coping programs but the loss is so great. It seems like almost every day another woman is struck again. It is burdening, it is aching. I wish I could do something about it. I have been so blind to how many children will be in heaven. I just imagine a handful, but this heavenly nursery must be overflowing! It is a heavy feeling. It is sad. And to know that most of these women have gone through it once before this time, … is scary.
God have mercy. Us women, we are broken. We are tired. We are hoping for our children, excitedly waiting. so many of us have problems having children and yet I know many a 16 year olds who cant take care of a baby for their life that are having them… why?…
sometimes we don’t get an answer.
I hope in time, we can do something to better support each other. This is for you faces of loss, women of empty arms, mothers of the childrenless.
Posted in death, Friends, Health, stillbirth, stillborn
Tagged babies, baby, child, Children, Death, faces of loss, God, hope, infant death, Infant Loss, jesus, love, mercy, Mother, Pen pal, People, Pregnancy, sad, sadness, Stillbirth, stillborn, Support group
Seth has changed us. I have become very intolerant of the ones that I love or now think of as, thought I loved. I cannot emotionally put up with the junk, I cannot mentally handle it. It has given me insomnia, and literal miserableness. I am at the end of my rope and I dont even know what Im supposed to do now but Im done with it. I have given up in my heart on people that meant to love me once and no longer are even trying to do so. I have given it all of the effort I could possibly give. Im tired. Wish I had someone to hold on to, cry with, and then just move on with for moral support. I cannot say it enough. Im miserable. Is it right to stay miserable when Ive tried everything possible, UGH.
Posted in anxiety, Family, Health, Infant loss, Steven, my love
Tagged angry, family, health, husband, Infant Loss, Insomnia, intolerant, love, miserable, sad, stilborn, Stillbirth
Tired and in a bad mood. Things not going the way I planned. Steven wants nothing to do with the things of my future and I dont want anything to do with his. His future consists of restoring his truck for the rest of his life- I would rather rip my eye balls out of the socket then watch our bank account be sucked up, hear about, or even see the restoration. I dont care. I want a house and babies, UGH… its ridiculousness. NOTHING will EVER be normal. I dont see normal or happy anytime soon because all he talks about is that STUPID truck. One day when Im sitting on my deathbed, that truck is gonna mean nothing to him (or I hope). Its gonna be old and rusty and burnt up and worth nothing. SO GET OVER IT!
Posted in anxiety, Family, Steven, my love, Work
Tagged angry, future, happy, husband, marriage, restoration, sad, truck, Vehicle