Tag Archives: singing

Everything You’ve Heard

Things have been ok lately. Im just stressed as always. the usual. School, money, dumb arguments .. dumb things.

Im just so nervous all the time.

I have to sing this Sunday again, I am nervous of course but I have to tell myself I will do fine. It will be hard, Sunday is the 25th. 6 months since I last saw Seth. It was on a Sunday like this coming one, that I was becoming the other kind of mom. I hope I dont cry through the song and I hope I do it justice. The words are probably what I need to hear.

I went and saw Seth yesterday. I laid down on the ground and turned my phone up the loudest it could go and played him the song Im going to sing this week. When I was pregnant with him I would put my phone on my belly and play hymns and he loved it, he would kick and roll, it was my favorite memory.

please listen to this.

Its another hard week. My eyes are dark and heavy and I’m tired.

The weekend is almost here.

Can you tell Im nervous?

This is my third post about singing today so I bet you can tell its geting to me.

Besides my beautiful sister who will always be my best friend (and whom Im lucky to have and I love with all of my heart), I am lucky to have met another wonderful friend. Id say at least 7 years ago, cause I know I knew her in 8th grade. Kayla- you encourage me so much. You know exactly what to say. God has used you and your spiritual maturity to bless me. Even though you have not been through some of the “adult” situations that I have- you always know what to say and do for those situations and why is it? Because you follow God and listen to His voice. God will and is using you. Thank you for thinking of me this morning as I’m trying to get myself together. I want to sing with passion and clear and unafraid and bring people closer to the Lord. She sent me these verses:

Isaiah 25:1

 1 LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done wonderful things,
things planned long ago.
and

Isaiah 43:2-4

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.

and

Isaiah 41:1

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Thank you Kayla for being such a good friend and encouraging by faith. God has gifted you with such positivity and encouragement. These verses are exactly what I need, I need to live them out by faith.

Count down in 2, 1, 0….

I would be a fool to say I’m not nervous about singing on Sunday. It’s weird. I have no fear of acting on stage but I just have the hardest time taking my mind somewhere else when I sing.I’m shaking, have an upset stomach and my nerves are shot but in order to do well, you have to tell yourself that you are good. Here it goes. I better do it now cause I only have one full day left before its D-day.

I can do this. I’m a good singer. I have the range to successfully do this song without being nervous. My voice won’t crack. My nerves wont make me a wreck. I will not shake. I will have complete control of my breathing. I will not be uncomfortable. I will not focus on all the people in the audience. I will worship to God. Everyone wants me to do well. There is no competition. I will be fine and have enough support. There is nothing to be scared of. I’m doing what I enjoy doing best. Singing. I will not be afraid and I will use the right dynamics. Im going to close my eyes, stand tall and let go of my voice and let it do what it does best. The crowd wont stare or care whether or not I do well.

There is NOTHING to be nervous about. This is just an expression of a hobby of mine. Everyone knows the song already and they are probably going to sing along anyways…..

(ok, I said it, NOW I need to BELIEVE it… FAST lol)

Heres some stuff I found on this website.

http://www.singingmastermind.com/nervous-singing-nervous-shaking/

You have to change your mindset

Your mindset has to do with getting rid of anxious thoughts about your life, about what people will think, about how you will sound and simply listen to the music inside of you.

What you believe about yourself will cause you to panic or pull it together and that all starts way before you get up to sing.  It starts with a silent place inside of you, that place that makes you want to sing.  Remember that singing is natural.  The thing that happens that is unnatural is how we let everyone else’s opinion mess us up inside.

Think about what it was like to sing when you were a child, before anyone ever said anything unkind to you about your singing.  Did you care what anyone thought?  No, of course not.  You only cared after someone messed with your head.  So now you have to undo that junk and get the right kind of singing mindset inside of you.

So, when you sing, don’t think about what everyone else is thinking.  Think about your singing breath, think about relaxing your shoulders, focus on a “tunnel” in front of you to send your breath through, focus on how singing makes you feel good, how much you enjoy singing, how you LOVE singing.

Forget about everything else and just focus on singing!

I really need to practice believing in myself and just focusing on the fact that I like to sing, I should not let others people’s opinions scare me out of it. Why should they get to steal that joy from me?

Fear not… You are God alone

For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind…..

Today was Sunday of course. We went to church. After the choir sang worship the kids group came up and sang a thanksgiving song and right before they sang the little kids walked up and said what they were thankful for. One little boy walked up and slurred out “I’m thankful for my family”. Steven burst into tears. I could not help it, I just bawled. I am thankful that my husband does express his emotions, especially because he does not do it a lot. He left halfway through the kid’s song and I met him in the foyer after we did the choir special. We eventually made our way back into the service.

What drives you… What inspires you… What makes you wonder, think, what is on your mind most of the time.

I have found that fear is. It’s so unfortunate. I am drowning in fear and anxiety. I fear that these stabbing pains and itching is something worse than what I think, I fear that I will pass away without someone by my side, I fear Steven will get hurt while he’s out working during the week, I fear getting pregnant, I fear having another baby, I fear not having enough money, (this one is irrational ->) I fear not having enough food and water. I REALLY fear SINGING in front of other people. Its like public speaking for me but worse, I don’t have any idea why.

Tonight in choir practice I laid my fear aside and sang the solo that I was given but I was still shaking and I was not in front of hundreds of people or holding a microphone or standing. I just sat in the corner all slumped over and closed my eyes and worshiped. It was the best and most true worship I’ve had in a long time and it felt good. BUT, I’m still terrified to sing in front of all those people with a mic and standing in a couple weeks.

What is there to be so afraid of? I don’t understand why I let this literally suck me up and suffocate me. I just feel anxious. I just don’t feel good. I don’t want to be one of those crazy people who has to sit and tell a doctor everything I feel so they can suppress my emotions and turn me into a zombie. I don’t want to be another statistic. I want to be like everyone else who can control their own anxious feelings.

I love school and work and church and choir and crocheting and reading and drawing and painting… *phew* I wish I had enough time to really enjoy them all thoroughly though :(.

This week comes one of the most loved American Holidays! THANKSGIVING. I’m so sad that I have to work 2-10pm. I don’t think I’ve EVER worked on thanksgiving :(. Oh well… I took it so I could have Christmas off. I LOVE thanksgiving food! I’ll miss all of my family in LaBelle. Christmas though, We will be there.

Speaking of Christmas, here’s the tree I helped Krista put up, she did the lights though.

Its kind of funny in reality that we put trees inside of our houses for Christmas…

Here is the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree she found at home depot I think it was, anywho- Its CUTE!

Ugh I love it, brings back all of those childhood Christmas show memories.

And then there is the scarf I crocheted. My FIRST REAL project finished lol. Ok, its REALLY small so I’m giving it to a 5 year old because maybe she’ll appreciate the shortness of it lol.

Im working on putting a flower on the bottom of it now :). Heres the video that I’m watching.

I checked out my new classes work a few minutes ago- WHOA its a ton of work and its going to be a loaded class but I’m hoping I breeze through it. Ill start on the work tomorrow I want to relax tonight.

So Its been a long crazy day. I am just going to relax, crochet, and enjoy my beautiful husbands presence before he leaves for work tomorrow :(. I have to work ALL week (besides Tuesday) and ALL weekend so its going to be a long week. I miss that man already and he’s not even gone yet. I am feeling a little bit better tonight than I was earlier today. I hope it stays around. Im just going to try and keep a worshipful mind and stay calm.

* And dear Lord, I know your not a soda machine, so I’m asking this as humbly as I can. Can you make me feel better and help us get everything worked out financially fast so we can have a baby. I miss my boy Seth and Steven wants to “be stable” and “ready” before the next one… if you even allow us to have another.

Amen*

You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You’re the only God
Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God
Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that’s just the way it is

[chorus]

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That’s what You are

Relief please?

Back and forth on my emotions again today. I had a very stressful day. There were a lot of stat calls and emergency situations at work today (oddly enough, not in the ER) so of course the adrenaline rush pumps my anxiety after I do my job. I have been having chest pain and I just feel yucky.

I got a text saying my cousin was going into labor today. I cried and wanted to go home from work but I just went down the the ER and kept busy. It is hard. We were supposed to have our sons around the same time… I actually went to go see her, I just stopped in and said hey before everyone got there and before the contractions got worse. It was fine. We just talked about work and how excited her daughter was.

After that I went to the desk and asked if they took pictures of Seth when I had him because I thought I heard they would. The charge nurse came up front because the lady at the nurses station didn’t know. I repeated the question and she asked for the birthday and my last name, She went in the back and said “Wait, weren’t you in room 1, and wasn’t the baby’s name Seth”… Yes, I answered. She had a good memory. She said “Yeah, I took the pictures of him”. She couldn’t find the pictures but promised that someone would call me tomorrow and have an answer of when they would be in.

I’ve just been a nervous wreck all day I haven’t even eaten. I finally ate something a few minutes ago just cause I had forgotten to eat all day. I have so much homework and I cant focus long enough to go through it.

I was asked to sing a solo at church. I am TERRIFIED, Im even considering backing out. I sang the song before but it’s been YEARS and I just am scared that I will be so nervous that I wont do it justice, or Ill pass out, or Ill just act like an idiot. I hate being as nervous as I am for solo’s. I just want to get sick. Imagine this shy little girl singing this

I want to throw up, or poop my pants, or both. Maybe if the lights were off, or someone was distracting the attention away from me by signing or dancing I would not be AS nervous. Not to mention I may cry. .. I would not have been able to sing this if I was pregnant. I remember how out of breath I was from just standing.

Im so anxious. I hope I sleep good. I just feel emotional. I want to lay in bed. I cant wait till my husband comes home this weekend.

We didn’t get the car loan… Its cause you must be self employed 2 years in order to be approved if you are a self employee and Steven is but has only been for like 6 months so…. POOP on you bank, poop on you… I don’t understand, we already had a loan with them and paid it off and our debt to income ratio is good and our credit is good … ugh..

I wish I could just kick this anxiety, I dont know why my mind is running a million miles a minute. I just want to relax and not think about anything… Including school lol.

BUT, life goes on, I MUST go finish my homework or Im gonna be in trouble, I only have a week and a half left of this class and then I start another one. They have an online live session tonight and Im DREADING DOING THAT.

just want relief.