Today I was having a rough day. It is easy to get very overwhelmed and burdened by the things of this world. It is easy to forget that I need to let small things make me happy. Driving in the car is when I have enough time to myself to think about everything. It is the most dangerous time of the day for my emotions. All I could think about today was my dear momma. I just want her to feel better and there is no other way for me to express how bad I want that then to just try and fix everything, which I can’t. But God can. God is bigger than all of this and He will show himself.
I started to have a pity party. Why would God take my dad, why would He take my son- my baby, why would He allow cancer to exist and why would He not stop one of His faithful, my momma, to be exempt from it. Why do other 21 year olds not have these problems. Sometimes it’s hard to walk around in this world, go to class and work, and not have anyone to talk to about it. It is easy to feel like I am the only one going through this. What is harder is to know that actually my life right now is going good when someone else out there is sick, or hungry, or homeless. I just feel so torn. I guess I am the type that I want to know why. Why God did you pick this for us? Why do these naive young girls not have a clue what life is really about. Why are there cliques, why is there pain.
I think it is important to remember that God has a will for us. A plan for us. Not to hurt us, but for us to be prosperous and happy. He wants me to need Him… I do. I need him. I just need reminded. You have my attention father. Im awake. Fill me up and give me the power to speak your power into others.
I love Brea but I really do miss Seth with all of my heart and it is hard to think about living without the people that I love, but he has us here for a reason. He’ll reveal that to me later.
I am doing really well in ultrasound school (well at least the bookwork, lol, I need some more scanning practice). It is the best thing I have done for myself. So exciting.
Brea will be 20 weeks old… 4.5 months old on Friday. She has a small cold so she has been a little sick I feel bad for her but hopefully she starts feeling better soon.
I am really grateful for all that I have been blessed with and I just want to end with that. I will never forget all of the blessings that I have received.